Back in March of 2008 when I was pregnant with Little Jack, I wrote a post on the increase of nightmares that had sprouted during those 9 long months.  Since then I have had many wonderful ladies write in confirming that they too have experienced this phenomenon of increased vivid nightmares!  It’s been so interesting to read everyone’s comments and it ensures me that I’m not just going nuts – this is real, and it happens to many of us.

After I gave birth in May of 2008, these nightmares did, thankfully, subside and I was once again able to sleep peacefully (well, as peacefully as a mother of a newborn can!).  But since then, I have only had one or two scary dreams – nothing like the night terrors that haunted me during pregnancy.

Wellllll….

A few weeks ago, we learned we were expecting our 2nd little bundle of joy.

And the nightmares have returned with a vengeance!

Now let me preface this by saying that I lead a relatively very boring, extremely safe, middle class, easy, stay-at-home, reading-circle, Mister Rogers, Christian, mommy’ish life.  I don’t look for trouble, don’t do drugs / alcohol, don’t believe in ghosts / spooks / haunting, and I try my best to stay upbeat and happy.   Although I use to love ‘em when I was a teenager, nowadays, at the ripe old age of 26, I don’t even watch horror movies anymore!  The last remotely scary movie I saw was the 1st “Grudge” movie, and that was way back in 2004.  That one scared me so bad I think I made a conscious decision to never watch something like THAT again!  My husband doesn’t do the scary movie thing at all and so I just am not into that stuff anymore.  TV time around here means the Hallmark Channel, Baby 1st TV, PBS, and HGTV.   Life itself is scary enough without Hollywood putting all sorts of ridiculous notions in your head!  I even avoid the local news as much as I can, and view Nancy Grace & 48 Hours Mystery only a couple times a month, if that.

Sooo, it’s not like I have all sorts of current outside influences concocting images for these dreams.

But nonetheless, I have a full force, wake-me-up, sweating, heart pounding, blood pumping, screaming nightmare every few days now.  I just woke up at 5 am this morning with one and could not go back to sleep.  In fact, I never want to go back to sleep after one – it feels akin to walking back into a log cabin when you know Jason might be there….or willingly staying at Norman Bate’s motel.  It’s something you just. don’t. do. The other day I even woke up screaming and shaking.  It took a few minutes for me to realize that the arms around me were my poor husband’s arms as he was trying to calm me down and comfort me.

During the nightmares when I was carrying Jack, only 3 dreams during the whole 9 months had to do with a baby – one was at 3 months when I dreamed I went into full labor during the 1st trimester, one was also at 3 months when I dreamed I birthed 13 kids at once, and the other was, I think, at 8 months, when I dreamed Jack had already been born and I completely lost him. In the house.  Somewhere.  Seriously.  I was beyond terrified at that one.

And following that same pattern, just like the last time, none of these current night terrors have anything to do with the baby.  They’re just extremely odd and very, very terrifying.  Nothing graphic or violent, though, strangely enough.  It’s more terrifying than that.  Things such as trying to escape from rattle snakes while on a moped, and suddenly discovering there’s no gas pedal on the moped.  Or mean people doing mean things.  Or having to go back to high school.  Or just really really odd normal-but-twisted situations that for some reason terrify the dreaming “me”.

At least when I’m not pregnant and have an occasional basic nightmare, I can always pinpoint the trigger and determine what probably caused me to dream like that.  With pregnancy nightmares however, I have absolutely no known triggers at all!  They just come suddenly, out of nowhere!

During the 1st pregnancy, I passed the dreams off as subconcious fears related to being a 1st time mom and all of the “1st time” experiences” I was facing.

But what excuse do I have now??  I mean, I’m now an established mom with 17 months of parenting under my belt.  I no longer fear circumcisions, diaper duty, or midnight crying.  First time solid food feedings, puking, shots, bathtime, and sickness has all passed before my eyes now.  Breastfeeding was a breeze, so I’m confident with that.  And, contrary to my nightmare at 8 months, I have yet to actually lose Jack, so my supervision skills have been good-to-go.

So what hidden fears do I have this time?  I did experience fear when I first learned I was pregnant this 2nd time, but I thought I had gotten over it.  Perhaps the thought of enduring labor is bothering more than I was even aware of.  I haven’t had my 1st prenatal appointment yet either (that’s tomorrow), so I haven’t been given an “all clear” yet as far as how the baby is coming along.  Could that may be affecting me as well?  Perhaps once I hear the little heart beat and the midwife gives me a due date, these early nightmares may subside.  Even with my pregnancy with Jack, the frequency of serious nightmares did not pick up until the last trimester.  How on earth am I going to endure 8 more months of sleeping with these things??  I remember it being so bad near the end last time that I didn’t even want to close my eyes at night!

Hrm.

The human psyche is truly a deep pit, one that we may never understand, I suppose.

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