Posts Tagged: Bedtime


15
Nov 09

Moving a Co-Sleeping Toddler to His Own Bed: Day 2

WRITTEN ON OCT. 1, 2009

Two nights ago I did something I never thought I woiuld do. I put my 17 month old co-sleeping, breastfed, feed-on-demand firstborn baby in his crib. It was a little after 4 am and he had been up all night, crying to nurse (we’re in the middle of weaning) and having temper tantrums. These nighttime jags have been going on for well over 3 weeks now, every night. ALLL night. We had been losing so much sleep it was ridiculous. What was strange was that even when he was a newborn we never had troubles at night with Jack-Evan. He’s always been the perfect sleeper, never even crying a bit at night!

Something had to give.

And give it did. You can read about the entire experience here. But if you’re just browsing and don’t care to read deeper, here’s the short form – my son is weaning since I’m pregnant with #2 and began to dry up. Daytime weaning is pretty much done, but night time weaning is a booger. He’s been waking up every 15 minutes begging to nurse. After a 3 hour final “battle” I picked him up, walked into his room, put him in his crib at 4:15 am (two nights ago), and there he stayed until 8:30 am. Cry? Oh yes. He howled like a pack of wolves under a full moon for 2 whole hours.  I cried about that long too.

But as I said, something had to give.

Yesterday morning, upon gathering my very-happy-to-see-mommy son from his crib, I knew that our family situation was about to change forever. Co-sleeping was never something I planned to last permanently (heaven forbid we still co-sleep in high school!), but still, he’s only 17 months old now. He’s still my baby…my first born…my current only. My heart.

Yet it was time. He was no longer happy in our big king size bed. He was getting very little sleep, Mommy was getting very little sleep, and poor Daddy (who gets up at 5 am for work) was the most unfortunate of all of us. My mommy instincts told me it was time to move on in life and that Jack-Evan was ready for his own space.

By himself.

When my husband Kevin arrived home from work last night, I had a talk with him over dinner about the changes that needed to take place. He was completely on board with it all (especially since it meant he would get a full nights rest again soon).  Plus we both hated to see our little boy so unhappy!

Later on, when it was time for bed, we gathered Jack-Evan up, gave him his bath, brushed his teeth, put on his pajamas, read him a story….

Then laid him in “Jack’s new bed!”. We also handed him the “new NU NU” (what we call a bottle of milk…since Jack-Evan called nursing “nu nu”).

Beside his crib was a blow up mattress and my own pillow where I planned to sleep (for at least a week).

Just as I thought, Jack-Evan threw a huge tantrum. But contrary to my other thought, this one only lasted 30 minutes! As I lay there on the floor in the dim Winnie-The-Pooh nightlight glow, I ignored my screaming son, with just an occasional ”Mommy’s here, Mommy loves you” to reassure him he wasn’t alone. It was hard, but at least with each passing minute I knew we were marching towards a new stage in life.

Finally the room grew quiet, with the exception of a fan we always have going for “white noise”. It was only 30 minutes into this new lifestyle change…and he was already asleep.

It took me a good 2 more hours to fall asleep. Afterall, having slept 17 months snuggled close to my child and the 9 months before that with my child snuggled inside of me, things seemed a bit odd.  But I finally fell asleep.

This morning as the 8 am sunlight streamed into the room, I heard a tiny “Mama? Maaaama?”. I turned over and there he was, looking at me through the bars of his crib.  Awake and happy.  I realized with a start that he had slept the entire night without waking.

My instincts were right….It was time for change, and we had now survived the first full night of the transition.


14
Nov 09

Moving a Co-Sleeping Toddler to His Own Bed: Day 1

WRITTEN ON SEPT. 30, 2009

Well.  I did it.

I never thought I would.  But I did.

I just. couldn’t. take. it. a.n.y.m.o.r.e.!

Last night was the worst night we’ve had since Jack-Evan was born.  Even through his 2 colds and the reflux when he was tiny, we didn’t have nights like this.

It all started out normal.  Well, about as normal as any night this month has been.  Sometime between 9 and 10 pm, our normal bedtime, we prepared for bed and laid down with Jack-Evan.  For the 5th night in a row I refused to let him nurse before falling asleep….and ohhhh what a howl he let out.  It had to be the mother of all temper tantrums.

Finally, I’m not sure how, but he managed to fall asleep, as did both of us.

And all was quiet as a mouse…until 1 am.

That’s when he woke up for the first time.  After refusing him “nu nu” (his word for nursing) yet again, he then refused to sleep.  For the next 3 hours we battled in between snatches of sleep here and there.  He wouldn’t accept anything else, not his sippy cup, no water, no bottle, no milk.  He wanted his NU NU and nothing else would satisfy.  At no point did we get more than 5 minutes of sleep at a time last night.

Mommy just wanted sleep and no more sore bosoms.

Battling between my intuition and my logic, I refused to let him get on up to “play”.  After all, wouldn’t that be considered “rewarding” him for waking up and throwing temper tantrums?  I remembered all of the “words of advice” I’d read over the years about how you should hold your child, rock him, sing songs, comfort him, and show him how much he’s loved – and POOF!  - all would be well.

Weeeellll…all was not well.

My son is not one for basic comforting when he’s upset.  Touching him during a tantrum or howling mode only makes him angry.  Rocking will not suffice because that involves touching.  And singing sweet soothing songs?  Fuggitaboooutit!  Any sound that came out of my mouth, at any point, made him scream at 500 decibels louder than my own voice was.

So there we were, mom & son, battling in a huge king size bed in the dark, catching short snatches of sleep here and there.  I would lay him down in the middle, he would pop back up.  I would pull my shirt down, he would try to pull it back up yelling NU NU!!! at the top of his lungs.  He would pound my chest, I would hold his hands and lay him back down.  Back up he popped.  A few times he climbed on Daddy, hoping Daddy would wake up and force Mommy to comply to his wishes.

Daddy woke up, opened one eye, turned over and pulled the covers over his head.  But that’s about it.

By 4:15 am I had about all my frazzled mommy nerves could take.  And I did it.  Something I never in a million years thought that I, as a semi-attachment, breast-feeding, co-sleeping, easy going, baby-wearing parent, would do.

I picked up him, walked to his room, placed him in his crib, said goodnight, turned around….and walked out.

As I laid down, the house reverberated with my poor little son’s pitiful howls.  I knew he was safe.  I knew there was no danger.  Yet my heart about gave out on me.  Never in my life had I thought I’d be on a mission to just let him “cry it out”.  My mind raged with thoughts of scarring my son for life because of what I had just done.  Would he ever forgive me?  Would this ruin any chances of him ever living a normal existence?  Would he end up in therapy one day uttering to his psychologist from a couch, “Why yes, there was this one horrific moment in my childhood when it all started…”

But that’s exactly what I did.   I just let him cry it out.   As I pulled the covers over my head, I half dozed for the next 2 hours half while listening to my firstborn’s wails.  The wails of a 17 month old child who had never slept a night further than 6 inches from me. Nevermind that Jack-Evan’s room door is only 18 inches perpendicular from ours.  At least Kevin was able finally able to get an hours rest before heading off to work, considering that Jack was now crying in another room instead of directly into his Dad’s right ear.

Finally, by 6:30 am, I suddenly realized the house was quiet.  Slowly I crept out of bed, tiptoeing, lest any small floor creak would send Jack-Evan into banshee scream mode again.  Peeking out of our room door and into his, I saw his little tiny tired frame, sitting up on his pillow, staring out the window.  He was, at least, quiet now.

I crept back to bed and laid down, falling asleep until 8:30 am when I heard a tiny voice quietly utter “Mum Mum?”.  I hopped up, ran into the room to my baby, picked him up and enjoyed a 5 minute bear hug from his tiny arms.

I could sense a new era was already dawning in our development as a family.  It was a change I wasn’t emotionally prepared for, yet I had always known the day would eventually come.  My gut instinct let me know it’s finally time.

Tonight, we begin a new bedtime routine, one which involves separate beds…and separate rooms.


13
Nov 09

Moving a Co-Sleeping Toddler to His Own Bed: Prologue

WRITTEN ON SEPT. 29, 2009

The past month has been horrendous!  We’ve been trying to wean Jack-Evan from daytime breastfeeding since the beginning of September. He’s nearly 17 months old now, and although I had planned to go longer, my body is just giving out.  Since we learned of baby #2 a couple weeks ago (Sept. 15), I’ve also begun weaning him from nighttime feedings (we co-sleep). It’s just not in me to produce enough energy to make a new baby and to keep nursing a toddler. I’m giving out…drying up…withering away. Or at least, well, it feels like that. Plus it’s beginning to hurt.

The daytime weaning is semi “ok”. Jack still cries a bit when I deny him, but not as loud or as often anymore as he did in the beginning.  A few weeks ago, you would have thought the world just ended based on the howl he would let out upon hearing “no!”.   Now, however, it’s the night time that we’re having troubles with. For the past few weeks, Jack-Evan has been waking up more than 4 times per night – every night! – crying for “Nu Nu” (his word for nursing).  Of course, when I deny him, it gets reeeealllly bad.   Then he’s up, trying to crawl over the king size bed, bopping his poor daddy in the nose, and refusing to go to sleep.  He can’t be comforted, he can’t be consoled, he won’t be touched.  All he wants is his nu-nu, and he can’t understand why I’m no longer giving in…especially since he’s demand fed his whole life.

I’m just tired.  Kevin’s tired (he gets up at 5 am to head to work).

Jack-Evan is tired.

Something has got to be done.

Soon.


24
May 09

Does Reading to Babies Really Work?

Alpha Bravo Charlie by Shawn EconoI’ve talked before about how much I love reading, right?

(No no, don’t groan.)

So yeh, I love reading. Make that an absolutelyhavetoorIwilldie kinda love of reading.

Then it should come as no surprise to you that even though he’s only one year old, I already encourage literacy in Jack-Evan.

I’ve been reading daily to my son since he was born – or, at least trying to.  Sometimes we miss a few days of reading, but more often or not, he encounters some form of literacy component in his daily life even if it’s just him watching me read silently.  Our read-aloud materials run the gamut from Mother Goose Nursery Rhymes to Sondra Boynton to Dr. Suess to Classic Poetry to Pilgrims Progress to (more recently) Lord of the Rings. For at least an hour each day, usually around noon, I read aloud to Jack while he’s playing on the floor near me. We also have spontaneous reading sessions at the park, at bedtime, or just whenever the mood hits.  Then, once a week (twice a week beginning in June) for 45 minutes we’re at the library story time for toddlers.

I also spell out things for him often, point out words, and do sign-language finger spelling of his name and other various words.  We have sung the ABC song a couple times a week with him since birth too.

In addition to spelling, finger-spelling, and the daily reading, we also use the “Your Baby Can Read” DVD’s and Flashcards. They’re actually the only things that Jack-Evan watches, or even shows any interest in watching, on the TV (besides when he watches Scooby Doo with his PaPa!). Each DVD lesson on “Your Baby Can Read” (there are 6 lessons total, I believe) lasts around 30 minutes and builds upon each other. I played the starter lesson once or twice a week for a few months, but within the last 2 months, Jack has shown so much interest in the program that I’ve moved him up from the starter lesson to the 1st lesson. He’ll actually sit through the entire 30 minutes and interact with everything going on in the lesson, and he’s beginning to pick up words like crazy from it. Last week, they showed the written word Bubble in the lesson, then they said “Bubble” – and he repeated “Bubble” out loud, then laughed. He gets so exited when I tell him I’m putting his DVD on and he’ll stand up and starts dancing to the opening music.  For the past month or so, the lesson has played twice a day with Jack-Evan focused completely on it and interacting with it to the exclusion of everything else.

Also, now that Jack is a year old (his birthday was May 4) I have added the other component of the “Your Baby Can Read” DVD learning system – the flashcards.  These flashcards include 12 key words that match up to the words he is learning in the video lessons.  There are 6 doublesided pastel colored cards with just plain comic-sans type black words printed on them.  What’s cool though is it also has a slide out panel that features a picture of the word shown. 

Now, let me be frank before I continue.   

When I started all of this, I wasn’t sure what would work and what wouldn’t.  There were times when I wasn’t sure if I was doing the right thing or not (I’m still not, and probably never will be).  I never was a fan of flashcards for babies so every time I even looked at them before, I just rolled my eyes.  I’m also not one of those moms believes in forcing a child to do formal learning.  At the first sign that Jack-Evan is tired of something I move on to something else,  immediately.  But I do believe wholeheartedly in offering opportunities and new experiences each and every day.  And I believe wholeheartedly in the power of literacy at an early age (I myself was reading at 2 years old without any formal prompting from my own mom).  My husband was 5 years old before he ever had anything read aloud to him – and that has strongly affected his reading ability even to this day.  The written word should be part of a child’s life from day one – I just wasn’t sure how to go about introducing it to Jack-Evan during his first year of life.  Therefore, as any mom would do, I just did the best I could.

So anyway….

At first, I felt like everything I was doing – the reading aloud, storytime, and DVD lessons – made absolutely no impact whatsoever on Jack.  For the first 10 months of his life, he showed absolutely no interest whatsoever in books, pictures, stories, rhymes, nor poetry.  Zero.  Zip.  Nada.  No interest whatsoeva.  Yet I kept on plowing away with reading and showing him the starter video of “Your Baby Can Read” once a week or so.  At times, I even felt foolish reading to him and as much as I hate to admit it, I hated reading aloud.  (Or rather, I use to hate it, though not so much anymore).  He just wasn’t responding to my efforts at all, and I began to feel disappointed.  I mean, I had read so many testimonies of parents who’s 3 month old child would stare intently at a book during storytime, or who’s 6, 7, 8 month old child would sit raptured by the board book being read, or by the 9 month old who would hand her mom her favorite book to read.  Then there were the local children -babies who were the same age as Jack-  at our own library story time who would sit and show interest in the story, while Jack didn’t even have a clue that a story was being read.

I felt foolish, I felt it was pointless, I felt like he wasn’t ready, I felt like all of those testimonies were lies, I felt like I should just wait until he was 3 or 4 or 5 or 6….I  just felt….like giving up.  

But I didn’t.  I just kept on with my plan of immersing him into daily literacy.  I wanted those doors to be wide open for him whenever he was ready to blossom.

Then, slowly, in his 10th month, a miracle happened and he blossomed.  

His first step towards acknowledging the world of books came 3 months ago when he suddenly picked up a book and, instead of trying to eat it, he opened it and began flipping through it.  By the end of March, he began bouncing to the rhythm of the poems being read.  By the beginning of April, he had formed his first attatchment to a book – “Brown Bear, Brown Bear” and would grab it when I would start reciting it from memory.

 So now, back to the flashcards.  Roughly 8 days ago, I pulled out the flashcards that go with the DVD reading lessons.  We went through all 12 words slowly, and then I decided to concentrate mostly on two main words – “arms up” and “dog”.  Dog is actually one of the first words that Jack said, and he adores dogs.  Anywhere we go, if he spots a dog either in real life or in photos he lights up and yells “Hello dog! A dog, dog, dog!!! Hey there! Huh Dog!”.    As for the other one, “Arms UP”, that’s just something that was fun to do.  

Well, after only 3 shows of the “arms up” card, he had that one mastered (complete with him throwing his own arms up, along with mommy, and giggling).  He also adored the “dog” one (of course).

Since then, we’ve used those cards no more than 4 sessions for about 3-4 minutes each session.  

Friday, we were sitting on the couch playing with the cards, and I sat him down on the floor, tossed all 6 cards down randomly for him to rummage through, then settled back to read my Woman’s Day magazine (silently!), hoping for a few moments of peace whilst he played by himself.  

Not surprisingly, I didn’t get much peace.  Within less than a minute, Jack was standing up beside the couch, crying “Mummum, Mum mum!” and holding his one hand out for me to pick him up.  It’s what was in his other hand that surprised me!  During the few moments that I had been absorbed in my magazine, he had found and picked out both the “Dog” and the “Arms Up” card from amongst all 12 words.  

I was in shock.   Finally, progress.  I AM doing something right.  Something, s-o-m-e-t-h-i-n-g I’m doing is working, and is clicking in his little brain!

 It was a nice reassurance. :)

He repeated the feat of picking out those two cards yesterday in front of his dad, which elicited the exact same shock.  Last night, he also picked out the “Dog” card, turned it over, looked at it, then said aloud “Dog, Dog”.

More reassurance.

So my kid is like me afterall.  He loves flashcards.  

And a new door has opened very wide for him.