Little Jack’s Corner

I’ve written quite a few posts lately about my travails on becoming a good wife over the past 2 years of marriage (such as here…and here…and here…oh, and here too!).  Then yesterday, I noticed via my sitemeter statistics that someone found my blog through the google search phrase “do husbands like praise?”.

It caught me off guard for a moment because I sometimes assume all women know the answer to this!   Being a good wife is something I’ve thought about a lot for years (even before meeting Kevin), and I’ve read a lot of wonderful books on the subject of being a Godly wife.  Before marriage, many things were still in the realm of the unknown to me.  But as I’ve gained some experience with dealing with a husband of my own, I’ve learned that there are many points in these books that do ring true.

One of the most simplest - yet most profound - advice topics these books touch upon is to praise your husband. 

Compliment them!  Adore them!  Let them know they are your hero!   Yes, my google friend, husband love praise.

Far too many of us wives fail at that.  And we fail miserably!  What is a typical wife known for?  Nagging.  That’s right - nagging.  Over the years, the house wife has become the butt of many jokes concerning being a “nagger”.  There is even a saying that goes “If Momma ain’t happy, no one is.”

Isn’t that sad?  Even the Bible has a comical say in it!

“It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.” ~ Prov. 21:9

A male, being first made in the image of God, also has the innate desire for the things that God desires - to be admired, praised, loved, and adored.  The unfortunate curse on Eve (Genesis 3:16) during the fall of man, pits female against male, hindering woman’s God-given nature to compliment and complete her mate and instead replaces it with an unnatural sin-fallen desire to rule him instead (wanting to rule someone is at the backbone of all nagging).

We’re even reminded of this numerous times in the new testament.  In Ephesians 5:22 and Colassians 3:18, Paul has to remind us wives to respect our husbands.  And again, in 1 Peter 3:1, the apostle Peter himself has to remind us.   Notice he doesn’t have to remind us to love them!  Because of man’s fall and Eve’s curse, we must be continually reminded to respect him. 

The King James Version causes controversy because today’s feminist women bristle at the choice of translated word used - submit.  Don’t let that scare you!  The first century church leaders are not telling us to be a door mat to men’s wishes.  Nor are they telling us to live as slaves to males!  Wives were created as equal help meets for husbands, equal in every way - and numerous Biblical stories back this up.  The commands are there as a reminder for us women to watch our tongues, attitudes, and choice of words when dealing with our husbands.  Remember, because of the fall our sinful nature desires strongly to RULE and CONQUER our husbands!  What kind of “helpmeet” are we if we are constantly trying to rule him by coersion????   Not a very good one!

You can think of these verses more in the way of saying “Hey wives!  Don’t you remember Eve’s curse?  Jesus died to end your imprisonment to that curse!  Stop nagging your husband and respect him instead - don’t treat him like a child!  Your marriage will be a lot better and it will honor Christ and God’s plan for marriage.”

Look at the choice words for these particular verses as translated into various other Bible versions -

Wives are to

• Submit
• Be subject to
• Understand
• Support
• Adapt
• Put him first
• Obey
• Follow the lead of

Isn’t this what Jesus himself did?  “Took on the form of a servant“?  Having a servant’s heart and respecting someone highly is the ultimate compliment.

NOTE:  Before you bristle, I’ll add that there are plenty of verses that tell husbands how they should treat their wives as well - and they go hand in hand.  But we’re not talking about the husband’s actions (we’re not responsible for him before God)…we’re talking about US.  Just us.  All of us in the little wives club.

As we leave our oldest and wisest self-help book (the Bible), let’s look again at modern day wife-focused books.  All of them repeat in some form the reminder that husbands need praise, adoration, and (most of all) respect.

And receiving praise, adoration, and respect from his wife is the ultimate in a man’s books - even if he doesn’t admit it aloud to you!  This is what builds a man’s confidence.  This is what causes men to jump off cliffs for love.  This is the secret.  This is what wins wars, folks.  The adoration and praise of a good woman.

So why don’t more of us practice it?  All too often we begin to treat our men like children, nagging about everything because you “know he’ll forget”.   And yet nagging never helps.  Instead of him wanting to now jump through hoops to help us, he retreats into his shell, becomes bitter, and backs out of intimate companionship.  No one likes to be controlled or manipulated!  I’ve seen it happen with relatives, witnessed it between my own mother and father, and I’ve experienced it with my own husband.  Yet the nagging continues!  Each and every time we open our mouths to nag and coerce, we fall right back into the “curse of Eve” and our sinful (yet sometimes subconcious!) desire to RULE over our husbands.  This will never work if you want a truly healthy marriage.

Some of the best compliments (not to mention best nights) I’ve recieved from my own husband has come shortly after a burst of praise from me to him.  The subtle shift in his actions, the calming of his nerves, and the light that brightens in his eyes with each small moment of praise proves to me that this works wonders with my husband and our marriage.  Therefore, I make a concious effort to verbally praise my husband a lot - to him, privately, and in public to others.  And I make sure he can tell I’m very sincere as well.  (Praise given just to be manipulative is no good at all!!  It must be sincere!!)

Praise I often give to my own husband:

• “Thank you so much for always remembering to take out the trash.  It truly relieves my mind not to worry about it. ” (And he’s honestly never missed a day!!)
• “Thank you for going to work each day for our family!  It shows how much you truly care about me.” (He’s hasn’t missed a day of work in over 2 years and never, ever complains in the morning)
• “You are my hero!  I don’t know what I’d do without you in my life!”
• “Thank you dumping the dirt out of your pants after work!  I truly appreciate it!”
• “Your face is so wonderful..I just love looking at it” (I love to stroke his little beard when I say this…)
• “You have the most wonderful shoulders…I LOVE big manly shoulders!” (I say that a lot!!!)
• “I’m so sorry… I shouldn’t have disrespected you like that.”
• “I’m so happy to be with you!”
• “You are such a terrific provider.”
• “You work so very hard all day, but I miss you so much!”
• “I love when you open the door for me…thank you.” (I haven’t opened a door for myself in nearly 3 years since meeting him)
• “I’m so glad I have you around here to do (such&such) for me!  I truly appreciate you!”  (Said after he paints or mows the lawn or something)

I also modify his private praise to tell others.  I’d much rather praise my husband in front of others than to complain about him!!!!!  And I have a feeling he likes it too.  It’s also been my policy over the past year to never, ever spill his secrets or complain about my husband in public.  I’ve slipped up horribly in the past and only ended up embarrassing myself and my poor, sweet Kevin.  He’s a good man, truly, and didn’t deserve me degrading him because of my own feelings.  If you show people that a man’s own wife doesn’t respect him, what do you think that does for their personal view of him?! 

Praising, adoring, and respecting your husbands doesn’t have to always come with words either.  It’s about having a complete attitude adjustment.  You respect your husband when you keep his secrets (as his wife, remember you are the guardian of his soul and his deepest thoughts).  You praise him when you hug him tightly to welcome him home after any sort of separation (such as after a day at work).  You adore him when your attitudes reflect how much you appreciate his body, mannerisms, intellect, spiritual growth, or accomplishments. 

Thank you’s should be given out sincerely and liberally.  Don’t fall into a trap of “well, it’s his JOB to do that so why should I?”   You’d be surprised at how wonderful a simple “thank you” feels to a man - no matter what they’ve just done.  Even if it’s just a “thank you for loving me today!”. 

A sincere, heartfelt smile -without words- will do wonders for his heart as well.

Now, in closing, I’m not saying this will create a perfect marriage.  But I am saying that sincere, routine praise and adoration for your husband does work beautifully in building a healthy, loving marriage.   Kevin and I went through a terrible, terrible period of physical separation (with me back at my parents, and he back with his mom) and near divorce for over a week just prior to our 1 year anniversary, so we’ve known our share of marital troubles already.  It was after this period that God changed my own heart and attitudes towards how I was acting towards my guy - and replaced my nagging words and preconceived expectations with many more words of praise for the wonderful husband I had reconciled with.  And because of my attitude change and focus on what I needed to do to better myself, our marriage has thrived (baby Jack is one obvious evidence of that!!).

So go ahead, ladies.  Praise away at that big hunk of man you said “I Do!” to.   Deep down his soul will thank you for it.