Thoughts from Mom


1
Feb 10

Updating the Blog Layout & Mission

I’ve been a little bored with blogging for the past half year now.  It was easy talking about my first pregnancy on here and then sharing experiences with my son when he was under 1.  Now, however, he’s entered the toddler phase and is fast growing up – and we’re 3 months away from baby #2!  I’ve finally decided that I want to take this blog more in a direction of focusing on Jack-Evan’s learning adventures and activities he is now involved in during the day.  I also want to move away from the “busy” look of a blog and keep everything clean and minimalistic (reflecting the direction we are moving in real life!).  SO I am busy updating the layout and code of the blog, as well as figuring out all the goodies available in WordPress 2.9.1 (I haven’t upgraded since 2.7.0)!

So pardon the dust.  I’m not sure how many days it will be before everything is easy to navigate again….but I’m working on it!  Hopefully this will get me out of the blogging funk I’ve been in.  :)


1
Oct 09

5 Emotions I Didn’t Expect to Feel as a Mother

Feeling like a Failure – I entered parenthood with the misguided assumption that if I offered all of my love & affection and did everything I could to ensure Jack’s happiness, then he would be…well…happy. That’s not always true. Regardless of how many books we’ve read, songs we’ve sung, dinners we’ve eaten, crackers we’ve snacked on, blocks we’ve played with, or games we’ve shared, there are many times throughout the day when Jack-Evan melts down, gets angry, shows frustration, or just completely ignores any attempt of comforting or effort I put forth to make him happy. I end up telling him (in the middle of a tantrum), “Jack-Evan, life is seriously not that bad.” He may not understand me now, but hopefully the message will sink into his subconscious. At least I hope it does because when Jack is unhappy, I feel like a failure as a mother. Ridiculous emotion? Yes. But it’s there, nonetheless.

Sudden Impulses of Deep Love – Yes. I adore my child. Do I feel deep, searing, heart pounding, overwhelming love every second of every day? Not always. As humans, we tend to bury heavy duty emotions during 90% of their waking hours (if we didn’t we couldn’t handle the onslaught of feelings we experience!). But at various moments, I’ll look at my son and suddenly feel such a burning in my heart that I just. have. to. squeeze him. Now this isn’t always a good thing, especially if Jack-Evan isn’t in the mood to be squeezed. But nonetheless, I do it anyway. Every part of him has to be kissed and snuggled on because he’s just. so. darned. sweet. I didn’t know such extremely deep, all empowering, body encompassing emotions existed before I gave birth!

Frustration - Before becoming a parent, you read all sorts of books on “parenting” and “child care”. No problem! you say. Piece of cake. Other children may act wild and wooley, but not mine. THIS is how I’ll parent. I’ll NEVER do such & such (spank, co-sleep, yell, etc.). I’ll offer so much love and attention, they’ll be just fine (see #1). Even if you consciously acknowledge the fact that things *may* be hard when you have kids, your subconscious doesn’t allow you to fully believe this. Then you give birth and suddenly, all of the advice from the books flies out the window when you realize that your assumed parenting philosophy does not work on this particular child. All of the tips in those books? You try them all and they seem like child’s play. You also realize how much of a fine line parents walk when correcting a child in public. It takes a long time to gain confidence and learn how to guide a particular child in “social manners”, and in the meantime, frustration abounds when nothing that you try seems to work!

Weird Anticipation of Events 20 years Hence - I’ve already fretted over the woman my son will marry. She better scratch his back when he’s tired! How dare her even THINK of hollering at MY son. (Need I say more?)

Sadness & Happiness at the Same Time – Each stage of childhood has it’s goods & it’s bads. Just when you find yourself getting comfortable with one stage, BAM, time plays a trick on you and fast forwards your kid into the next, newest, and completely different stage. Right now, Jack-Evan is in the last stages of weaning (a month long, very hard process on us). Last night, he also started his first stage of independent sleeping (we’ve co-slept since birth). Growing up is definitely hard to do…but I never realize it was just as hard on the parent as it is on the child! As I say goodbye forever to his baby days, I also excitedly anticipate our next stage of life – one in which Jack-Evan will be walking around, conversing with others in real language, and beginning to wake up to the magnitude of life surrounding him on earth.


13
Aug 09

Wow…a month already?

Oh goodness!  I didn’t realize I had been away from this little blog for a month now!

This summer has just been so busy, busy, busy that I’m not quite certain what happened to June, much less July.  The stark realization that it’s the middle of AUGUST just hit me earlier.

This summer has been full of home renovation for us.  We moved into this house in early 2006 and wasn’t quite sure at first if we would be planting roots here or not, but at the end of last year things just felt right to settle in more permanently.  Our first goal was to refinance the house.  That was accomplished in December when we were able to go from a 30 year fixed at 8.99 percent to a whoppingly low 15 year fixed at 5.25 percent!  Our payments only rose $40.00 per month, but the time left to pay it off was cut in half. (whoohoo!)

Then, this past May, we haphazardly began our treck into home renovation and making this home “ours”.  It all started with a bad flea infestation in our bedroom carpet.  Now, we can handle almost anything around here ‘cept for those danged fleas.  So out goes the old carpet (right out the bedroom window!  It was quite a funny sight) and in comes the new laminate wood floor to match with the other parts of our house.

Well, it looked so nice I decided, why stop there?  So we painted the room and had ceramic tile installed in the adjoining master bath.  We were so inspired by that time that we also painted the whole house exterior, built a large arbor with 5′ country swing (and planed muscadine grape vines!), excavated a large spot for a flower bed / vegetable garden in the front, installed window boxes, built a large addition to our back deck, had a 24′ above ground steel wall pool installed, renovated our utility room with new shelving, and tinkered around with (what seems like) 50 million other little tiny miscellaneous odd & end jobs that we’ve always wanted done.

Now we’re 40% finished with a privacy wood fence in the back yard.

Whew.

Talk about exhausting!  And we’re still not finished.  So many projects were started at once that we haven’t wrapped up everything yet on some of them.  Our original thoughts were that it would take us all summer, but now we seem to be scooting on into fall as well with these projects.  Hopefully they’ll be done by winter, although we seem to be on such a roll now that who knows what we’ll think of doing next?

Also, another bright side, this entire year my “resolution” was to de-clutter my life.  Now, if you know me, you know I’ve been a huge pack-rat / out & out hoarder my whole life.  At one point in time I was even unable to throw away the most rediculous of things due to the silly sentimental attachments my mind placed on them.  That paper plate from 4th of July?  Such fond memories we had together!  That random movie ticket stub?  What a treasure!  The broken crayon from when I was 3?  How could you think of getting rid of that?  Old high school notebooks?  No way!!! And let’s not even start thinking about that pair of sneakers from junior high.

Yes folks, that was me.

But times have changed.  I was so determined to finally declutter my life this year!  And it’s worked.  I started off back in early 2009 by clearing out my clothes.  Then I moved on to getting rid of various bits & pieces of my former life (premarriage – early 20s & teen years), throwing away, purging, and donating.  Now, after months of chugging along at it little by little, I look around and see huge progress!  Our home not only looks 1,000 lbs lighter, but the mental weight of hoarding all of that “stuff” (stress that I didn’t even know was there) has disappeared.  The added benefit is that I am finally able to recognize and throw away truly useless stuff without having a heart attack!  It feels AMAZING with a capital UH.

So anyway, along with all of the house projects this summer, I’ve been in full force de-clutter mode also, purging and sending bags and bags of stuff out – to be donated and to be trashed – every single week.

And then there’s Jack-Evan who’s been keeping me busy.

He’s 15 months old now (where does the time go??) and such a little hambone.  He finds humor in the oddest situations and starts this wonderful belly laugh that gets us all going.   He hasn’t started walking yet, although he cruises along holding onto things (or even hands) really well.   I started getting a tad worried about him when he wasn’t walking when he turned one, but multiple souces (books, friends, TLC, even the doctor) have said that it’s quite normal for many children not to walk until the latter half of their 2nd year, especially if others in the family didn’t.  And apparantly many of the males in my family didn’t walk until they were almost 2 years old (from what I’ve learned this summer!).  So although it didn’t stamp out my motherly worry all the way, it did help take the edge off.

Lately we’ve been practicing helping him walk a lot, encouraging him to walk beside us holding his hand (instead of us carrying him everywhere as we tend to do).  He just loves to “go walking” and will stop what he’s doing to stand up and walk when we ask him to!  He’s always been afraid to let go though and would cry if we tried to let go of his finger in the middle of the room.  But guess what?  The practice seems to have paid off.  He finally stood UP on his own yesterday, and stood there for 10 seconds.  The little bugger was so thrilled with himself that he stood there giggling the whole time looking proud as punch.  My parents and I were all in the same room when he did it, so of course we were all on our feet cheering him on, dancing around, clapping and jumping up and down and all that silly embarrassing stuff family does in the privacy of their own homes. :)   It was as if something clicked with him.  One minute he was sitting on the ground, the next minute he just….stood up.  Bam.  Right in the middle of the bare floor.  He did it 5 more times over the next half hour too.  Then, later last night he treated his dad to a spectacular “up & down” standing show too.  The courage to take a step didn’t come, but it won’t be long now that he realizes he can balance himself without holding on to anything!


13
Jul 09

A Summer Surprise for Jack-Evan

(Voiced by 14 month old Jack-Evan, Typed by Mommy)

Getting the Yard Ready for the Pool by you.

Once upon a time my daddy built me a deck.
He said it was for my new pool.  I thought I already had a pool?

Getting the Yard Ready for the Pool by you.

The next thing I knew, a strange man was playing in our tree, making a loud noise.

Getting the Yard Ready for the Pool by you.

I’m glad he didn’t fall when the limb he was on came crashing down!!

Getting the Yard Ready for the Pool by you.

And I’m glad my dog Gabby was inside when the limb fell!

Getting the Yard Ready for the Pool by you.

Getting the Yard Ready for the Pool by you.

Getting the Yard Ready for the Pool by you.

Later, the strange man climbed in our other tree making more loud noises.

Getting the Yard Ready for the Pool by you.

Watch out Daddy!  The tree might fall just like the……..

Dropping a tree to make room for the pool by you.

CRASH!!!

Getting the Yard Ready for the Pool by you.

Daddy said it was ok that the tree fell. It was all part of the plan.

Getting the Yard Ready for the Pool by you.

The next day, the big machine came in and made some dirt where daddy had drawn his circle.

Getting the Yard Ready for the Pool by you.

I got very excited, thinking that I was finally going to be getting a new sandbox!!

Getting the Yard Ready for the Pool by you.

But I was wrong.

Our New Pool by you.

This is what we got instead!

Our New Pool by you.

Now all I have to do is finish filling it up….

THE END.


11
Jul 09

Are you a hoarder? A packrat? I use to be! Now my clutter is miles away.

In today’s go-green manic world, one begins to feel as if you can never get rid of anything.  Everything from milk jugs to egg cartons to junk mail must be put to another use.  But what’s the use of all that saving if your own house turns into a mini land fill?  Keeping clutter does nothing to save the earth – it just turns your own beautiful home into an unregulated trash dump.

For 2009, one of my new years resolutions was to clear out the major clutter in my life.  I’ve succeeded in doing that in a large way too over the past 7 months!  I’ve managed to rid my home of over 150 lbs of clothing (50lbs of which I tried to sell on ebay), talked myself into throwing away all of those old class notebooks from high school and college, donated 35+ large trashbags full of miscellaneous items to Goodwill, donated a huge amout of goods (including a black & white laswer printer and a home theater set) to our church yardsell, and kindly left 27 clothes baskets at the laundromat with a “Take me! I’m Free!” sign over them.  (My mom is a clothesbasket-holic…and I somehow inherited many of her basket’s children).

With all of this stuff gone, you would not believe how free I feel inwardly.  It’s akin to walking out of a 5×5 dark smoke filled room and into the fresh air of the wide open Appalacian mountains.  Seriously, getting rid of needless clutter definitely feels like a spiritual awakening.  I can finally breathe deeply.

To have come this far in getting rid of things is a major feat for me.  I’m a self-proclaimed packrat.  A junk keeping, non-trashing, hoarder of the 3rd kind.  When I was younger, I use to feel panic attacks approaching at just the thought of throwing away a paper plate!  For real.  I mean, that paper plate had memories attatched to it.  Plus, wouldn’t it be useful for something else one day?  Perhaps it could be painted on or rolled up and used as a vase.  Anything to keep it in my life!

Memory attachment & perceived usefulness.  And there in lies the trouble for the hoarding mentality.

Overcoming the attachments and ridding yourself of thoughts of “saving it for a rainy day” will take you a long way in your journey of clearing away the clutter.  It’s been a long internal process for me, and has brought me through a complete mental shift in how I think about objects around me.  Perhaps in the future I’ll do a post on some specific focus thoughts I used to rid myself of my hoarding tendencies.  But for now, I wanted to show a small look into one thing I got rid of last week.

You know how no one likes to gift wrap nowadays?  Every present you see now comes in a bag.  A big, charming, beautiful, cutesy, gotta-love-it, themed gift bag with nice rope handle.

Now how many of you, unable to throw those beauties in the trashbin, fold them up and stash them somewhere in your house instead with the thought that you will re-use it for someone else’s present in the future?

*RAISES HAND HIGH*

Yep.  That’s exactly what I did too.  And considering that I had 2 bridal showers and 3 baby showers in the past 3 years – on top of all the normal birthday / Christmas bags received – that makes for a LOT of bags.  In fact, more bags than I will ever use in my life.  I even had bags I’d been saving from as far back as 1997.  Nice bags!  I just never thought to use them, they were never accessible when I needed them, I forgot about them, or the theme wasn’t appropriate for the few times I give gifts in bags.

So, whilst going through my house a few weeks ago, scouring every corner for more stuff to get rid of (it’s quite addicting once you start!) it hit me – those gift bags were just clutter.  They were of no use to me and there was no good reason to maintain an emotional attachment to a bag.

CLUTTER:  Something in your home that is taking up space that you have no immediate or proven need for.

The day after I had that revelation, I hopped on over to my local Freecycle yahoo group and posted an add for “Various themed Gift Bags”.  At that time I hadn’t counted them, but estimated in my post that I had at least 30 of them.  I received 10 responses immediately!  Many of them were from homeschoolers stating they wanted them for crafts.  How good it felt to offer something to someone who actually needed it!  The bags ended up finding a great home with the first person who got an email through to me.  And with great relief I passed on those bags – 58 in all, of sizes ranging from small to medium to XXLarge! – along with some wrapping paper and other assorted gift wrapping accessories (bows, ribbons, tinsel, tissue paper, etc).  Even after all that, I was able to keep some of my absolute favorite bags – and once all the other unimportant ones were gone, I was able to find a proper home for those bags so that I can have easy access to them.  And lemme just say,  10 bags take up sooo much less space than 70 bags!

DSC04329 by you.

Gigantic bag full of the 58 giftbags I gave away.

DSC04326 by you.

The bags I gave away.  This photo doesn’t do the sheer size and bulk of these justice!
I had them folded tightly and stuffed in the outter bag, which was one of those XXlarge
bags about 3 feet tall and 2 feet wide.

DSC04327 by you.

My leftover bags in their new container.  Yay!


6
Jul 09

Hanging On to the Retro Apron

I’ve always loved aprons.

I suppose it’s because they remind me of my Grandmother, who passed away in 2000 at the age of 87.   She raised 9 children during the 1940s-1960s, and never wore pants in her life!  As with many women from that period, she also wore aprons quite frequently as well – even up through the end of her life.  There is just something so nostalgic and homey about aprons that give me a sense of peace.

I’m not really an apron-holic like some, but I do adore looking at them and have always longed to have a retro one (or 5) of my own!   I have 2 modern chef type aprons that were given to me over the past 5 years, but none that I had bought of my own liking.

So, after much debate, I decided to blow a small bit of spending money on 2 homemade aprons from Etsy that I had been drooling over.  And boy were they ever worth it!   The craftsmanship on both are wonderful – especially my full aprons.  Those ladies sure did take their time, and put a lot of love into crafting these garments.

The first one is a little half pink & brown ruffly apron, with cute cats and a small pocket on it.  I like to wear this one for cleaning as it doesn’t offer shirt protection when cooking.

The Ginger Apron, fun and sassy, HOSTESS half apron

And the second one is (in my retro opinion!), to die for!  It’s a blue full apron, with a slip over neck and thick tie.  It has a pale blue background with contrasting yellow flowers, yellow sash, and a yellow pocket.   Although “handmade”, it’s crafted by a sheer professional.  All of the seems are perfectly sewn and the edges are even beautifully serged for a nice finished look.

I wear this one for cooking and anything else that comes up.  My husband even loves it!  It’s just simply an all around fun apron to wear.

The MAGGIE Vintage Inspired Yellow Rose Full Apron

Sometimes I get lazy and go for a couple weeks without home cooking something, but I then get back into the swing of things and go on cooking binges – and for the past month, I’ve been in a cooking & cleaning mode and have been wearing this little apron to pieces.  It just takes much of the monotany out of housework!  It’s like a morning perk-me-up without the Starbucks label. :)

One thing I’ve noticed since I’ve started wearing these new aprons, Jack-Evan absolutely loves to look at them, marvel at the patterns, and hang on to them.  He follows me around sometimes and stands up, holding on to my knees, and hids under the hem of the apron and giggles his head off.  Sometimes I get so caught up in standing there playing peekaboo with him, I let the banana pancakes burn.  It’s the cutest thing eva, I tell you.  Just the experience of my little man enjoying the apron in such a way makes me glad to be wearing it.

Who knows, one day when he’s 80, he might find himself looking back in the far recessed corners of his memories, and begin to feel nostostalgic for a little old apron clad woman standing in the kitchen that he once called Mum Mum.


22
Jun 09

Does Your Cell Phone play Hide & Seek?

Mine does.

And it does it extremely well.

Just yesterday, after our recent 2 day long game,  I found him hiding in the refridgerator.  (The little devil!)

Found phone in Fridge by you.

Found phone in Fridge by you.

Just as long as it doesn’t teach Jack-Evan about that hiding spot, we’ll be fine.


21
Jun 09

I’ve Always Fancied Myself a Sewer

That’s Sew-er.  Not sewer…sue-er?  Strangely, as I was typing out the title to this, I got the giggleswhen I pictured people not understanding what it meant.

Sew-er.  As in with a machine.

In my head I can whip up a beautiful outfit, gorgeous bags, and my unborn daughter’s wedding dress.  In real life, however, I just learned the difference between a zig zag stitch and a basic running stitch last night.

A couple of weeks ago, after my dad dropped yet another load of my teenage stuff from his house to my house, I unearthed a forgotten Brother sewing machine I had purchased at Walmart about 12 years ago when I was around 14 years old.

Oh yes, 14 years old.  I had never sewed in my life at that time, but the bug hit me bad and I wanted desparately to learn.  I ended up making oneill-fitting sleeveless blouse (which I threw away 3 years later) and a wierdly shaped pillow (out of the same ugly paisly purple material the blouse was made from).  After that, the sewing machine sat under my old childhood bed, sleeping with the dust bunnies for the past decade.

Since then, I’ve handstiched a couple of odd things, but never got around to learning much more about sewing.

That is, until yesterday.

After re-discovering my sewing machine, I came online determined to learn how to thread the bobbin (something my mom had previously done for me years back) so I could get my Tshirt quilt finished that I started 7 months ago (and didn’t want to sew it by hand – something that I didn’t think of until I finished cutting the squares!).  Upon the thrill of finally learning how to thread the bobbin and set the tension so the upper thread didn’t break, I slowly dipped my toes into the waters of the addicting sewing machine whirl.

Today, my tshirt quilt sits almost finished (I have to attach an old sheet to the finished square front for batting, then another old sheet for the back).   I’ll be posting photos when I finish. :)

After the soaring victory of being able to piece my tshirt squares together in record time, and inspired by the recent recycled pillowcase fanatic Betz White, I fiendishly dug through our linen closet in search for the perfect pillowcase to practice on and set to work.

I ended up with a nice little pink 2 pocket apron (which I gave to my mom) as well as a cute little reversable tote bag purse.  It has a total of 7 pockets (inside and out), 2 top snaps, and plenty of room.  After Jack and I leave the library Monday morning, I may just head over to the Goodwill and see if they have any cute vintage pillow cases for me to practice more on (because, you know, we kind of need the rest of our pillow cases to sleep on).

Reversable Pillowcase Totebag by you.

Reversable Pillowcase Totebag by you.

Reversable Pillowcase Totebag by you.

Reversable Pillowcase Totebag by you.

Reversable Pillowcase Totebag by you.


17
Jun 09

Things You Never Ought to Say to Your Wife #246

Kevin and I are standing in the kitchen, chit chatting about the day, and just goofing off.  He proceeds to take off his work over shirt and flexes his muscles (his shoulders & biceps are quite large).

Goofing off with him, I raise my own arm and flex too.

This is proceeded by hearty laughter and the innocent statement “Hey, yours wiggles at the bottom!”


16
Jun 09

Moments when your Heart goes Pitter-Patter

You know the point where

“I must get the rest of the cleaning done” meets

“I must stare at my sweet baby for just a little longer before he grows up”?

 

I’m there.

Jack sleeping by you.