My Dad (Jack’s beloved “Papa”), Jack-Evan, Maggie-Jo and I all ventured downtown last week to catch our city’s annual veteran’s day parade.

I thought it would be a brilliant idea to catch a family photo of us for posterity.

Family Photo:  STRIKE ONE.

Family Photo: STRIKE TWO.

Family Photo:  STRIKE THREE.

I give up.

*SIGH*

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See what I mean?!!!

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So.  Ok.

Walmart, me and you need to have a bit of a chat here, buddy.

You’re a big corporation.  We’re small town peoples.  Obviously you will care squat about what I have to say, but I can’t help myself.

Recently you advertised ONLINE and on FACEBOOK events that you’re were about to have the most fantabulous birthday party ever for one of THE most popular cartoon characters on TV today.  And let’s not even get into the major press release that you apparently put out encouraging local news stations around the nation  to advertise the “birthday party” as well.  Don’t believe me?  Just google “Dora Birthday Party Walmart” and see how many ads for this party pops up.

That’s right.  I’m talking about la nina herself, Miss Dora the Explorer.  She just happened to turn 10 this weekend.

Remember her?  DORA?  Yes.  Her.  The birthday girl?  Yes.  DORA.

In case you forgot, here’s your exact wording:

“Nothing is bigger in a preschooler’s life than their birthday —- now, one of their favorite friends is celebrating a birthday at Walmart! Children and adults are invited to the ultimate birthday party in-store. When Dora’s friends arrive at Walmart they are invited to join the adventure at the Bright Ideas event station in Toys, where they will get party favors like cupcakes and a free photo print with Dora in her special birthday dress. Schedule this event on your calendar today and check out the Dora Birthday Doll Exclusive at Walmart.”

And being a 27 year old mommy to a 2 year old boy who absolutely worships the ground that Dora explores on, I was extremely aware of your VERY BIG promotion online (corresponding with Nickelodeon’s weekend release of Dora’s new BIRTHDAY movie) encouraging all mommies everywhere to give up a part of their Saturday and bring our children into your stores all across the nation to celebrate Dora’s party.  All we had to do was type in our zipcode on your website to find out which stores in our area was participating (3 of them just within a 10 mile radius of me!).

I don’t know about you, but when you tell a mother to take a child to someone’s birthday, you better believe that we expect the guest of honor to show up.

Or AT THE VERY LEAST for someone in your stores to friggen KNOW what is going on!

Especially when you have your advertising worded so ambiguously.  ”Free photo print with Dora”.  Really?  Really? REALLY?  C’mon now.  Let’s get real.

For over a week, my two year old was told about Dora’s upcoming birthday party.  He’s TWO.  TWO YEARS OLD.  He was beyond excited at the thought of meeting a character from the only TV show he really watches.

For over a week, mommies in our area exchanged information about the upcoming party.  Many were excited when they first heard about it and spread the news to others.  Shoot, my macho man husband was even telling daddies at his work about it so they could take their Dora loving kids also.  THEY were excited.  Anything that makes our kids happy, we parents jump at the chance to participate.

You obviously know that.

The drop-in “party” was set to run 11 am to 4 pm at stores nationwide. Our family of 4 (me, my husband, my newborn and my 2 year old) as well as my parents planned to attend the party for some good ol’ family fun with our tot. At 11:30 am we arrived and my son jumped out of the car with his own little beloved backpack strapped to his tiny shoulders.  We had the camera and were even set to purchase a Dora toy or two.  FOR OUR SON.  (Yes, we’ll do anything for him.  He loves Dora, hates Diego.  So be it.)

As we reached the toy department, we noticed a small cart like thing with a woman spraying the glass and wiping it.  To the side is a small box of cupcakes from the bakery.  One lone Dora doll is sitting to the side.  If we had not have been looking hard, we wouldn’t have even seen it.

I casually approached her and whispered “When will Dora be here?”.

You’d think I’d asked when the president was coming!

The lady there at the booth proceeded to laugh in bewilderment and tell me that none of the characters would be there (or anywhere) as far as she knew.  Furthermore, she explained, she had been the only person to volunteer to work the “booth” and that no one had even known about it until that morning.   She had also been told it started at 10 am.  The bakery was told 12 pm.  We wandered off for a while to let her finish setting up and returned about 30 minutes later to get our one cupcake.

For pete’s sake, Walmart, I’ve seen better booth set ups when you give away sample crackers in the grocery section!

The “photo”?  It was nothing more than a free 5×7 print (with Dora ON THE BORDER) from the Walmart photo center.  No one was taken pictures like your ads implied.  If you didn’t have your own photo or media card with you at that time, you were SOL.  Completely.

There were NO decorations, no posters, no balloons, no party favors, no giveaways, no fun and worst of all?  NO DORA. It was the worst “birthday party” ever.

It was nothing like you advertised!

Walmart, I’m sure Sam Walton would have been proud if this was your way of doing things cheap.  I mean, c’mon.  Would it have killed you to have corporate send each participating store a Dora suit?!  My 6’1″ burly husband said he had a good mind to go over to Halloween Express and come back dressed as Dora just so other kids wouldn’t be as disappointed as ours was over this whole shenanigan.  He would have done it too if I hadn’t  decidedly nixed that idea.

And was this an isolated incident?  Nope.   The event was widely publicized in our large mommy’s group and the other moms had the exact same horrible experience with each different Walmart they attended.

There are even 15 comments on Hip2Save.com’s Dora Birthday Party Post where other mothers from OTHER parts of the country are reporting similar experiences of incompetence and total ignorance regarding this widely promoted event.  And that’s just one particular blog I’ve found tonight.  Who knows how many more moms are discussing this off the cuff on mommy boards and other blogs around the internet.

Yet even as I write this, I know it doesn’t matter.  A major communication breakdown occurs between corporate Walmart and the little local “super stores” that keep that massive wheel a’turnin’ – and no one is even going to blink an eye.  Children across the nation experienced disappointment today because what their parents told them turned out to be a lie.  To tell our children they’re going to see a beloved character – basing what we say on what a huge company has in turned told us – and then to have to witness the sadness when what we have told them doesn’t come to fruition?  Yeh.  That stings.

Yet…yet… “Oh they’ll get over it.  They’re children”.

Yep.  That’s what you’ll say.  Then you’ll gloss over it with the disclaimer “Each local store was responsible for creating the atmosphere for the party.”   How do I know?  Because the wonderfully nice woman working our local store’s so-called “birthday party” booth called corporate herself looking for answers after I explained how heavily this had been promoted online to moms, and that’s what she was told.

Yep.  Walmart, you just don’t care.

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…..Or….

In which Mommy wanted to impress, but it just really doesn’t work out that way.

You know, there are so many truly awesome blogs out there where mommies are constantly popping post after fabulous post showing what appears to be perfect little toddler and preschoolers creating perfect little projects while learning perfect little lessons about life.

Heck, some of the kids are not even toddlers yet.

(It’s all amazing how much little kids are capable of when given the chance to truly succeed!)

Recently, having read everything I could get my hands on about teaching my up-&-coming toddler, I was beyond impressed and filled to the brim with creative ideas. So. I went out and bought the trays and the gadgets and created all the homemade whatsits to store in the perfect playroom.  The scene was set, the supplies were here, and the earth was his oyster…or something like that.

Visions of this bloggy photo perfection I’d seen in other preschool blogs were hovering all around me.

That’s right, folks.  Forget sugar plums.  Visions of smiling, happy kids (not even 3 years old yet) pouring beeds, cutting out papers, reciting their state capitals, and dot-markering the letter A for Alligator danced in my head.

In some of those more extreme visions, my toddler would excitedly - but carefully – explore the wonders of the art world and be hailed as the next Rembrandt by his 5th birthday….

Art would be his calling.

Through art, he would fulfill all of mommy’s desires to be an artist.

Oh yes.  I said it.

Mommy’s desires.

(See, I cannot draw worth a lick.  It sucks.  I’d be a millionaire on Cafepress if I could JUST DRAW dang it).

Early art training would easily solve that.

Right?

(We call the above masterpiece, “Paper Turkey in the Straw”.)

Then, after it was all said and done, I would upload my 107 photos and blog happily about each activity we accomplished along with what pertinent area of development it corresponded with.

All of my photos would be perfect and my readers would then oooohhh and ahhhh over what a fantabulous mom I had suddenly turned into.

It was all soooo very simple.

………………………………

Now.  I could stop these photos right here and happily let you think that I finally DID fulfill this mommy-teaching-a-wild-2-year-old-lessons-everyday thing.

And for 9.5 seconds I silently pondered if that would be the right thing to do or not.

But then reality hit and I remembered something.

I’m not. that. mom.

You know the one.  The one with the educational blog posts we all admire and drool over when we are out there in bloggy land gathering the most absitively posilutely fabulous tips on lapbooking for tots, tot schooling, and all around tot learning goodness.

I’m not her.  I’m not anyone else.  I’m just… me…… a doofus mom haphazardly documenting this runaway train called “growth” in my not-so-little-anymore firstborn child- both the good parts and the bad.   With a 2 year old and a newborn, there are some days when I do good to put my pants on when I get out of bed.

Heck, there are some days when I do good to even FIND my pants.

I truly want the best for my son, just like you all out there want the best for your kids.  Yet sometimes….somedays…(and I’m loathe to admit this)…Seseme Street is the best I can manage.  One day I’ll get it all together, but until then, I’ll close my computer, stop daydreaming, and remember that our life is our life.  It’s far from perfect, but it is fun.

Fortunately, my son is coming along just fine despite my faults.

And the perfect art lesson shown at the start of this post?
Here are the photos showing real life near the end of that art lesson….

————–

And considering that Michelangelo got his big break in ceiling artwork, I may have a genius on my hands afterall…

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The other day I was fortunate enough to have some much needed “alone” time after a rough day with the kids.  Granted, I was with a female friend and we were at Walmart.  But still.  Anytime a mommy of littles goes anywhere without a 3 foot tall person behind her and a 2 foot tall one strapped to her chest, she is, essentially, “alone”, ‘k?.  OK.

So I was alone.

And my husband Kevin was back at home – alone - handling not only our rambunctious 2 year old, but our 2 month old baby girl as well.

It was a “first” for both of us.

As we entered Wally’s world, my companion looked over at me, raised an eyebrow and said with apprehension, “Aren’t you nervous leaving Kevin home alone with both the kids like that??!  You know he won’t take as good care of them as you do!  A man never takes as good care of the kids as the mother does…”.

I paused for a moment as I considered her words.

She’s right!!  He doesn’t take care of them like I do.

Doubt and fears began to creep in.  What had I done?  What was I thinking?!  I had an innocent 27 month old and a helpless 2 month old to consider.

You see, I would never toss our 28 lb. Jack-Evan 3 feet in the air above my head.  The thought of it makes my heart do flips!  And I certainly would never bench press my son after work, laying on a hard floor for 30 minutes straight as he giggles his head off yelling “MORE!  MORE!!!!”.   Doesn’t daddy realize how easily a toddler could slip, fall on his head and get hurt?!!

The image of them squished together in the big leather chair watching TV while eating popcorn & goldfish together early one Saturday morning also flew into my head.  It had happened while daddy was letting mommy sleep in late.  No sirree.  Mommy would have made sure Jack-Evan was sitting at the table eating eggs, pancakes, cereal, fruit or grits, thankyouverymuch.

I also remembered the many times when Kevin nonchalantly handed his cell phone (his $200 cell phone!!!) to Jack just because he had begged Daddy for it.  (Mommy’s cell phone gets put way up high). Let’s not even count the times that Jack-Evan also weaseled his dad’s sunglasses, hat, and even tshirt from him just so he could pretend to be a “big boy”.

Then there are numerous incidents when Daddy let Jack push the shopping cart around the store with dad following close behind.  Mommy never does that. Doesn’t daddy understand that Jack-Evan could decide to run away super fast and therefore he should be put in the buggy seat to ride instead?  Letting him push the cart?? No way. Mommy would never do that.

The way his big brawny arms and large 6’1″ frame tries to snuggle our teeny tiny newborn?  No, mommy doesn’t do it like that.  The awkward twist in his large arms when he tries to support Maggie while feeding her a bottle of expressed milk?  No!  Daddy, you’re supposed to snuggle her differently! You’re SUPPOSED to do it like mommy!

And the way he reads bedtime stories but always ends up throwing his own twist to the book with nonsense sentences and wrong endings, sending Jack-Evan into peals of laughter?  No.  Mommy doesn’t do any of that either.

Shoulder rides?  Nope.  Wrestling?  Nope.  Giving knuckles at night time before bed? Nope.

Picking out church outfits that do.not.match at all?  Nope, nope and double nope.

Suddenly, more images swirled in my mind…..

The excitement in his eyes both times we learned we were pregnant.  The proud, wet smile of a father crying unabashedly as he held his first born.  The  sworn promises of “You’ll never go hungry or shoeless” made in the wee hours of that morning by a first time dad who himself had been through the state foster care system.  The tired face of a sweaty man (who had worked 58 hours that week already) kissing his kids goodnight just before he leaves for yet another night of overtime at work.

Then it hit me.

“Yeh, you’re right about that,” I replied.  “He’s NOT the ideal Mom….”

“…but he IS the ideal Dad.”

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…you head to the car on Sunday morning and completely forget your boob is hanging completely out for the world because you’re still nursing the baby as you’re walking… and when you finally do realize it, you could actually care less.

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10. Nothing is static. The amazingly obedient toddler of yesterday may suddenly discover the concept of disobedience today. And it will most likely happen while you are immobile and nursing a newborn.

9. Toddler poop is the worst smell on earth.

8.  Silence is the worst sound on earth.

7.  A tiny voice filled with laughter, followed by the word Mama! is the best sound on earth.

6.  You’re able to tell others exactly what your toddler is doing, even when he is silent, 100 feet away, and behind 5 solid walls.

5.  The car seat straps have to be adjusted every few days because he is growing so fast.

4. Car seat straps are adjustable only by removing the entire said carseat.

3. The latch system which holds said car seat in place takes 2 big adult peoples to unlatch.

2. Food?  In the car seat? Yeh. An entire 3rd world country could have been fed with what you’re able to scrounge up.

….and last but not least….

1. In the arms of those you love is the most wonderful place to take a snooze.

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I feel like Dora the Explorer…you know, how at the end of each show she and Boots sing “We did it!”?

I’ve been having tremendous WordPress blog issues for the past 8-10 months.  What with the pregnancy and all, I never got around to fooling with it and thus my poor little blog has sat here by its lonely self for ages on end.

But tonight, I did it!  I finally got everything up and running smoothly again.

FINALLY.

Now I can start blogging again!

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I upgraded wordpress the other day and redid the whole site theme.  I’m still trying to figure it all out since it’s been months since I worked with code so of course now I have broken something.

I’m getting all the comments in my admin dashboard BUT for some reason wordpress is not allowing me to approve them.  I approve them, click off the comment page, and POOF they get “un-approved” for some reason.  I’m hoping to have this figured out by next week!

So for those of you who have commented on my recent posts like the montessori one and Jack’s playroom (thank you!!), I read them and they’re still here….I just can’t get them posted yet.

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Back in December, we finally got the “junk room” cleared out and prepared as a new playroom for Jack-Evan.  Using the paint I had on hand, I created a “Jack-Evan and the Beanstalk” theme on the walls.

This is where the Giant’s castle is going to go.  (I haven’t had the time to fill in the detail yet.)  We’re taking it sort of slow, but we plan to be finished with everything before baby #2 arrives in May.  I’ll try to remember to post photos when the entire playroom is completed!  I’m wanting to set up low shelves in here ala Montessori-style.  Jack-Evan’s large piano keyboard will also be in here.

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