Maggie-Jo arrived on Saturday, May 15, 2:29 pm.
Weight: 7 lbs, 3 oz
Length: 19.5 inches
Mommy, Daddy, Jack-Evan and Maggie-Jo are all doing terrific
and are enjoying being at home, surrounded in cuddly pink-ness. 
Pregnancy
31
Dec 09
We’re finding out on January 14…
…if baby #2 is a boy or girl!
I’m still going to update about my prenatal visits once the new year rolls in… I just have not really been in a bloggy mood for the past few months. Plus, since Jack-Evan is getting older (he’ll be 20 months old on Monday!) I’ve been trying to decide what course of action I want to be taking with this blog.
I do so very much love putting words in his mouth (as in the “Little Jack Speaks”) posts, but as he comes more and more into his own little personality, I feel more awkward doing that to him. My husband and I still do that to him at home but doing it on a public medium as he “comes into his own” (so to speak) seems….wrong…on some level. I don’t know. I guess I just haven’t decided what I want to do with the blog.
Right now I’m leaning towards revamping it to cover the educational activities we have begun to implement. I’m trained in early childhood education, previously worked in a daycare for 5 years, and have always held a huge passion for teaching and children – and consequently, that’s where most of my abilities lie. As Jack-Evan gets closer and closer to the preschool age (which was always my favorite age to teach) I become more and more excited.
Lately I’ve been enjoying a wide variety of “Tot School” type of blogs that provide enriching activity ideas for toddlers and young children. Jack-Evan has taken well to the beading activities and absolutely adores anything with pegs. He’s also begun to accurately point out various pictures in books when asked (where’s the ball, balloon, duck, etc.). So I’m extremely excited to be going forth on this educational journey with him.
Plus, it’s down right fun.
In other news…. the pregnancy has been going really well. Honestly, I tend to forget I’m pregnant for the most part. As bad as it sounds, I don’t even keep up with how many weeks I am. It’s hard enough keeping track of my always on the go toddler! I always feel ashamed when people ask me and I respond with a hesitant…”um.. 14 weeks? 18 weeks? 15 weeks? I dunno, but I’m due in May!!”
The first 3 months were horrendous. Nausea, tiredness, and overall BLAHBLAHBLAH plagued me like..well..the plague.. But sometime in early November, things drastically improved and my energy resurged. This past week though I’ve noticed that I’m moving on to a different phase. I’m feeling more “stuffed” (and it had nothing to do with all the Christmas turkey!), my belly has sprouted about 3 inches, and my pregnant wobble-walk is beginning. Rubberbanding my pants button has also appeared, as it’s getting all but impossible to button my pre-pregnancy pants anymore.
I also feel the baby kicking a lot, and have been doing so since November. Not just tiny flutters but real hard foot-in-the-belly jabs. One night the baby even kicked me, kept his/her foot there and then slid it slowly along from my belly button to my side! It always scares me when she/he does it too. So much so that I scream. It’s quite humorous actually. What’s odd is that even though the timing is only 2 weeks off from my 1st pregnancy (twas due May 6 with that one and am due May 17 with this one!), I didn’t feel Jack-Evan kick until late January.
A lot of people say “Oh, you just know what to expect with your 2nd”. But seriously, I think if Jack would have foot jabbed me back then I would NOT have mistaken it for gas. Truly.
But anywho.
So that’s where I am right now – in the midst of my 2nd pregnancy, chasing a happy go lucky developing toddler, deciding in which direction to take this little blog, and loving every single minute of my stay at home mommy life.
And with that, I leave you with a few recent photos of 2009 Christmas fun!
My husband and I were Joseph & Mary in our church’s Chrismas play.
The baby doll looked so real that he fooled many in the audience!
Jack-Evan helping “DaDa” cut down the tree at our local tree farm.
Getting our tree loaded! It’s a family tradition. The farm we go to has a petting zoo, acres & acres of a wide variety of trees, a building to eat, a playground, a large ornament shop, and even an old fashioned trolley to ride. It’s awesome.
Jack-Evan playing on Christmas eve. The art easel in the back was a gift from his Grammy & Papa!
He likes wearing hats, but ONLY if HE puts them on. He’ll snatch one off in a jiffy if we try to put it on him.
Another present from Grammy & Papa was Jack’s first full sized piano keyboard.
He loves music and will play the one at their house for over 30 minutes in one sitting!
On Christmas morning, after all the presents were found and played with, he snuck off by himself and devoured some of his daddy’s chocolate peanut butter cups. He thought he was slick and no one would find out…. 
My poopiehead and I on Christmas night.
Happy New Year, everyone!
13
Nov 09
Prenatal Appt #1: Tour of Birthing Center
APPOINTMENT DATE: OCT. 6
Ever since I was 6 months pregnant with Jack-Evan, I have wanted to use a mid-wife – specifically one at a Christian Birthing Center about 4 miles away from my home. My heart was set on it.
I had such a terrible experience with prenatal care with my 1st pregnancy that I felt there must be something better out there, right??
I’m not really into the homebirth, all natural, endure the pain aspect of childbirth, especially after enduring horrendous “crowning” pain even with an epidural last time. So my plan was to use the birthing center for prenatal care, and then have the midwife join me at our local hospital up the road from the center. After all, their website had said, “Whether home birth, birth at our center, or hospital birth….”
Seemed simple enough.
So on Oct. 6, at 4:00 pm, my parents loaded up with me in the car to head to my scheduled tour at the birthing center. Dad would watch the baby, while mom went on the tour with me. Kevin wanted to be there so badly, but he couldn’t get off of work.
Walking in the center, I was comforted by the sights, smell, and homey charm of the place. Surely this was the place for me!
After filling out the paperwork, the main midwife joined me. Her plan was to catch me up with the current tour already in session. We began talking, and I mentioned I would be having a hospital birth.
And that’s when she dropped the bombshell on me.
They have “no jurisdiction to perform a birth at the hospital”. WHAT?? In other words, if I used the birthing center midwife for prenatal care, and then gave birth at the hospital like I wanted, she would not be able to attend the birth.
Now, if you can imagine, think about what it feels like to be a child wanting an ice cream cone. You picture that ice cream cone all day long. Your parents promise you an ice cream cone all day. You hear the bells of the ice cream truck coming past your home. Running outside with your money, all hot and sweaty from playing, you ask for a strawberry ice cream cone.
“Sorry, we’re fresh out of ice cream,” says he.
Imagine the shock. Imagine the disappointment. An ice cream truck with no ice cream??
A MIDWIFE WHO COULDN’T ATTEND A HOSPITAL BIRTH?
I was devastated. I had psyched myself up for using this birthing center for over 2 years. I had promised myself, during my prenatal visits with Jack-Evan that ONE day, some day, I would be able to use that wonderful, homey looking, Christian birthing center.
And now I was hearing that I couldn’t unless I went all-natural and gave birth IN the center itself.
So right there in the hallway, I began to cry. I couldn’t help it, emotional pregnant hormonal lady that I was. How embarrassing! But I couldn’t stop. In between heaves, she pulled me into the examining room and coaxed my history out of me, and the story behind why I wanted to use them. I told her of all the mistakes the other doctor’s office had made in my first pregnancy prenatal care. I told her of how they had blamed me when they forgot the 20 week anatomy scan (and didn’t discover the error until I was 30 weeks). I told her how I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes after failing the hour test by only 4 points and then vomiting within 10 minutes of the 3 hour test. And how I was given absolutely no support after this diagnosis and simply told “not to worry about it”. I also explained how at 32 weeks, I went in for a required “stress test” because of the gestational diabetes and forced to stay for 4 days in the hospital on a medicinal drip, being told I was going into premature labor. I did not dilate any during this time and felt absolutely no contractions. I knew the baby wasn’t coming! Yet because the monitor detected “faint” contractions, they decided what was best. I also told her how, after the 4 day hospital stay, the on-call doctor (the same one who eventually attended my birth at 40 weeks) reviewed my charts and said I should NOT have been diagnosed with full gestational diabetes.
I then explained to the midwife how at 10 pm the night I gave birth the on-call doctor walked in the room and TOLD me they were now starting pitocin drip. I said absolutely NOT! I was already 8 cm’s dilated at that time (I progressed a little under a CM each hour). I was progressing just fine by myself, thankyouverymuch.
He just shrugged, while he and the nurse exchanged annoyed looks, and said “I’ll be back at midnight and we’ll decide then.”
HELLO! Over here!! Angry laboring lady here in the bed…I SAID I do NOT want pitocin! I’ve heard way too many horror stories (and known of 2 personally) where the effects of pitocin were terrible and many have resulted in a C-Section. There was absolutely no medical reason for me to have that dripping in my poor laboring body. I was progressing just fine in all aspects and even with the epidural in me, I could feel the pressure of each contraction just fine.
I was fully dilated within 2 hours (by 12:15 am) and gave birth to Jack at 2:04 am (May 4, 2008). Yet to this day I do not know if they started the pitocin without me being aware of it. They could have put anything into that IV drip if they had so desired, especially since they acted all night as if I had no right to choose how my birth progressed
I also told the midwife how excruciatingly painful the actual crowning and birth was, even considering I had an epidural. It was such horrendous pain that I felt as if I had exited this world and entered the pits of hell itself. Surely if childbirth hurt that bad WITH an epidural, how could I endure a non-medicated childbirth?
Then the midwife started in on how childbirth is “pressure” and not really “pain” and it’s all in perception.
And I could have slapped her. Really. I know the difference between pressure and pain. It was pain. There’s no way around it….knife stabbing, fire burning, skin tearing, gut wrenching, haul your heart to Davy Jones Locker kinda of pain.
After about 40 minutes of standing there explaining my story to the midwife, I felt somewhat better. I wanted to use this center for prenatal care so badly, and the midwife was far more comforting and pleasant than any other medical professional I had encountered. So, I continued with the rest of the tour.
The center was beautiful. There were two appointment rooms that looked like a regular OBGYN appointment room. Then there were 2 birthing suites that were just gorgeous. The first had a lovely kingsize bed, couch, mood lighting, stereo hookups for your ipod, gripp bar for laboring when standing, and a soothing water fountain. In the attached bathroom was a huge jetted mood-light jacuzzi for birthing. The 2nd Queen size room had all of the same amenities, but was even more beautiful!
Down the hall was a gorgeous restroom for family, a main kitchen, a library stocked with educational birthing materials (books, videos, etc.) you could check out for free, as well as a large conference room for the various educational classes they held.
After the tour, Kevin arrived for the main consultation, while my Mom & Dad took Jack-Evan back to their house. During the consultation, the midwife spent over 60 minutes reviewing center rules, standards, menu recommendations, appointment layout, pricing, and other various little tidbits, including some samples of raspberry flavored Vitamin C powder. I also took a few moments to show Kevin around the center as well.
Upon paying our $50 consultation fee, I was given 2 recommendation sheets for other clinics because the birthing center outsourced all ultrasounds and labwork. The birthing center fees, as I just found out, did not cover the outsourced fees. Those would need to be paid directly to the other clinics out of pocket, and a few days later I would need to have an ultrasound for dating purposes since I could not remember when my LMP was. I would also have to have full blood work done as well.
Finally everything was completed and we said our goodbyes to the midwife.
Kevin & I left the center that night around 7 pm, full of excitement about using such a wonderful, caring place for our 2nd pregnancy. I even psyched myself up into a state where I began to think I could endure a non-medicated waterbirth considering all of the amenities I would have at my disposal – not to mention the wonderful midwife we had just bonded with. After all, I would have 9 months to practice the different techniques, calm my nerves, and instill in myself a sense of confidence that my body could do what it was designed to do. Perhaps, after 9 months of wonderful caring prenatal care, I would be fully capable of having that really cool water birth. Perhaps, just perhaps, after 9 months of getting to know the same woman and knowing that in all likely hood she would be at the birth as well (something I didn’t experience with my first pregnancy as I had a different person for every visit), that I would be capable of having the waterbirth.
I could definitely do this.
Or could I?
5
Oct 09
Nightmares During Pregnancy: Here We Go Again
Back in March of 2008 when I was pregnant with Little Jack, I wrote a post on the increase of nightmares that had sprouted during those 9 long months. Since then I have had many wonderful ladies write in confirming that they too have experienced this phenomenon of increased vivid nightmares! It’s been so interesting to read everyone’s comments and it ensures me that I’m not just going nuts – this is real, and it happens to many of us.
After I gave birth in May of 2008, these nightmares did, thankfully, subside and I was once again able to sleep peacefully (well, as peacefully as a mother of a newborn can!). But since then, I have only had one or two scary dreams – nothing like the night terrors that haunted me during pregnancy.
Wellllll….
A few weeks ago, we learned we were expecting our 2nd little bundle of joy.
And the nightmares have returned with a vengeance!
Now let me preface this by saying that I lead a relatively very boring, extremely safe, middle class, easy, stay-at-home, reading-circle, Mister Rogers, Christian, mommy’ish life. I don’t look for trouble, don’t do drugs / alcohol, don’t believe in ghosts / spooks / haunting, and I try my best to stay upbeat and happy. Although I use to love ‘em when I was a teenager, nowadays, at the ripe old age of 26, I don’t even watch horror movies anymore! The last remotely scary movie I saw was the 1st “Grudge” movie, and that was way back in 2004. That one scared me so bad I think I made a conscious decision to never watch something like THAT again! My husband doesn’t do the scary movie thing at all and so I just am not into that stuff anymore. TV time around here means the Hallmark Channel, Baby 1st TV, PBS, and HGTV. Life itself is scary enough without Hollywood putting all sorts of ridiculous notions in your head! I even avoid the local news as much as I can, and view Nancy Grace & 48 Hours Mystery only a couple times a month, if that.
Sooo, it’s not like I have all sorts of current outside influences concocting images for these dreams.
But nonetheless, I have a full force, wake-me-up, sweating, heart pounding, blood pumping, screaming nightmare every few days now. I just woke up at 5 am this morning with one and could not go back to sleep. In fact, I never want to go back to sleep after one – it feels akin to walking back into a log cabin when you know Jason might be there….or willingly staying at Norman Bate’s motel. It’s something you just. don’t. do. The other day I even woke up screaming and shaking. It took a few minutes for me to realize that the arms around me were my poor husband’s arms as he was trying to calm me down and comfort me.
During the nightmares when I was carrying Jack, only 3 dreams during the whole 9 months had to do with a baby – one was at 3 months when I dreamed I went into full labor during the 1st trimester, one was also at 3 months when I dreamed I birthed 13 kids at once, and the other was, I think, at 8 months, when I dreamed Jack had already been born and I completely lost him. In the house. Somewhere. Seriously. I was beyond terrified at that one.
And following that same pattern, just like the last time, none of these current night terrors have anything to do with the baby. They’re just extremely odd and very, very terrifying. Nothing graphic or violent, though, strangely enough. It’s more terrifying than that. Things such as trying to escape from rattle snakes while on a moped, and suddenly discovering there’s no gas pedal on the moped. Or mean people doing mean things. Or having to go back to high school. Or just really really odd normal-but-twisted situations that for some reason terrify the dreaming “me”.
At least when I’m not pregnant and have an occasional basic nightmare, I can always pinpoint the trigger and determine what probably caused me to dream like that. With pregnancy nightmares however, I have absolutely no known triggers at all! They just come suddenly, out of nowhere!
During the 1st pregnancy, I passed the dreams off as subconcious fears related to being a 1st time mom and all of the “1st time” experiences” I was facing.
But what excuse do I have now?? I mean, I’m now an established mom with 17 months of parenting under my belt. I no longer fear circumcisions, diaper duty, or midnight crying. First time solid food feedings, puking, shots, bathtime, and sickness has all passed before my eyes now. Breastfeeding was a breeze, so I’m confident with that. And, contrary to my nightmare at 8 months, I have yet to actually lose Jack, so my supervision skills have been good-to-go.
So what hidden fears do I have this time? I did experience fear when I first learned I was pregnant this 2nd time, but I thought I had gotten over it. Perhaps the thought of enduring labor is bothering more than I was even aware of. I haven’t had my 1st prenatal appointment yet either (that’s tomorrow), so I haven’t been given an “all clear” yet as far as how the baby is coming along. Could that may be affecting me as well? Perhaps once I hear the little heart beat and the midwife gives me a due date, these early nightmares may subside. Even with my pregnancy with Jack, the frequency of serious nightmares did not pick up until the last trimester. How on earth am I going to endure 8 more months of sleeping with these things?? I remember it being so bad near the end last time that I didn’t even want to close my eyes at night!
Hrm.
The human psyche is truly a deep pit, one that we may never understand, I suppose.
24
Sep 09
Baby #2 – 1 Month Pregnant & How It All Came About
Thank you all for the well wishes and congratulations on my last post about baby #2!
We’re definitely excited. My first doctor’s appointment isn’t until October 6, so I don’t have an official due date yet. Sometime next May seems to be a good guesstimate though, as we first learned about the pregnancy with Jack-Evan in early September as well (2007). My LMP this time was in early August (it was July 31 with Jack). So the timing is exactly the same from what I can tell.
By the time this baby arrives, Jack-Evan will be 24 months old. Two years feel like a perfect age gap for siblings! It’s what we’ve always wanted for our kids, although we’ve never “planned” it that way. We just let what happens, happen. So far, it’s happening nicely.
How it happened? (Oh no, not that!) What I mean, see, we left for Upstate New York on Sept. 9 for a week visit with my husband’s family. I knew then that I was *almost* late, and I had the strange feeling that I might be pregnant. I let Kevin in on it a day or so before we returned to South Carolina. Well, *it* never came, and by the time we finished the 20 hour car trip back home on Tuesday, Sept. 15, we were so anxious that Kevin headed to Walgreens that night to pick up a pregnancy test (at 9:30 nonetheless! Bless his heart!).
Well, Kevin started some popcorn whilst I took the test (with Jack-Evan playing at my feet, of course. No privacy for poor Mommy.)
One blue line appeared immediately, but the next line didn’t show up. My heart sunk. (Kerplunk). Oh well. Not pregnant, I thought. No big deal, right? (Wrong, I was devastated)
I put the test down, stood up, sighed, casually picked up the box and noticed that the line that had appeared immediately was the “yes, my dear, you definitely are pregnant” line. I grabbed the test, and ‘shore nuff, the 2nd “control” line was now coming in strong.
I seriously started shaking. I mean, 23 seconds ago I was disappointed that I wasn’t pregnant. Now that I WAS, here I am, shaking in fear like a leaf in October. I yelled out to Kevin, “Are you watching wrestling???” (a throw back to what he was doing the night I told him about the pregnancy with our #1, Jack-Evan). He said, “Ummm…nooo.” Then he ran into the bathroom and asked “Why???”. I silently showed him the test. Of course his next words were “Are you sure?!” Then he started sniffling his nice, sweet man-tears. He was crying and I was scared to death.
He was far more excited than I was at that moment. And I wasn’t quite sure how to articulate anything I was feeling to him.
I’m not sure why fear gripped me so hard during those few seconds. I suppose it was the shock. Well, “shock” not in a sense that I wasn’t expecting the outcome (I was and had thought so for a week), but “shock” as in “Wow, this IS reality and my life is about to change yet again.” The deep fear, I suppose, may have also come from the fact that since this is my 2nd time around, I KNOW all of the pain I will endure and the trials. My fears during pregnancy #1 were mainly shadow fears, the kind where I was so new at it that once something happened, it was over and done with. I could easily pass off all of those fears as pretty much “unfounded” for the most part. But now, I DO know how terrible contractions & labor & crowning feels. I DO know how my body may be reacting throughout this pregnancy. And now I have 8 months in which to anticipate everything I KNOW will happen. Tiredness, numerous needle pokes, mind-numbing doctor visits, and excrutiating pain – it’s all very real, and the memories of my last pregnancy woes all came crashing down on my harder than a kamikaze fighter.
Also, the thought of change was part of it too. Here we are, settled into our routines. Jack-Evan is my little star, my main squeeze, my little hambone that makes me laugh during the quieter moments when he’s not erupting into one of his famous temper tantrums. He’s my little poopie head, you know. My “Tooter” (as we usually call him! He answers to that better than “Jack”!). Having another child is not just something that is a part of mine and Kevin’s life – it will also change Jack’s life forever. Our decision to expand our family will impact him, and he doesn’t even know it yet. His life will change. Our lives will change. Routines will change. We will have to yet again find a new “normal”.
So anyway, the reaction I had that night was so deep that Kevin even half-jokingly accused me of not being excited and happy. Perhaps it was the look of blatant fear in my eyes? Or maybe it was because I wasn’t joining him in the happy dance he was doing with Jack-Evan. I was just standing there, frozen, with a bajillion thoughts erupting in my mind. Of course I was excited…. in my head. In my head, I desparately wanted another child. Being an “only child” (and hating it my whole life!), my highest goal in family planning was to have at least 4 children. But my logical thoughts and dreams for the future took backseat to the terribly deep feelings of dread that my body dived into that night. It was just pure, raw emotion that swept over me. I would have never ever expected to feel that way! And I’m almost ashamed to admit it for fear that I would be perceived as a terrible mother! I mean, only mothers who hate children and never want more, feel their hearts sink to China upon learning of another pregnancy…..right? Well, at least that’s what I’ve always figured. But nonetheless, that’s what happened to me. I mean, I know the flip side of pregnancy too – the outcome, the beautiful baby awaiting me in the end, the joyous feelings of seeing new life arrive. So how can I explain my primortal reaction? I can’t.
In the week since learning of the new baby though, those initial feelings have subsided, and have been replaced by the typical excitement that washes over expectant moms. I’ve once again found myself stopping on TLC when I catch a sniff of “A Baby Story” wafting by the airwaves. And once again, I found my buggy pulling me haphazardly towards the pretty pink (or blue?) baby outfits that are just oooohhh so darling. I’ve also been cleaning like mad the past few days! Just today I shipped 4 big bags full of stuff to the Goodwill. We’re clearning out our guest room (more like “junk” room!) to make way for either a nursery for a girl or a play room for Jack (if we have another boy).
As for prenatal care this time….. With my 1st pregnancy, I was quite naive. Back then, I started out the 9 month journey with the assumption that doctors knew best. I ended with the knowledge that if you do not take control of your own pregnancy, things can (and will) turn out quite unpleasant. So this time around, I have decided to utilize our state’s only natural “birthing center” and a midwife. (My unpleasant experiences with prenatal care during my 1st pregnancy will probably come out in future posts, so I’ll save my ranting and raving for then.) I’m not sure yet if I want to go with natural / waterbirth (something the center offers) or epidural at the hospital next door with this one yet, but at least I’ll have the option of what I want to do. This time I KNOW I will be “in control”. And that means a lot to me – expecially after having the doctor try to force pitocin into me to speed up labor at 8 CM dialated – when I did NOT need it.
Anyway, thanks again for all the well wishes! It’s great to see I still have some loyal reader friends here. I must be going now though. I’m quite nauseated and dizzy….. unlike my 1st pregnancy (where the sickness totally passed me by), I have experienced morning-sickness-at-night for the past 2 weeks! Tonight seems to be the worst. Guess that’s what I get for staying up after midnight though, I suppose.
17
Sep 09
Little Jack’s BIG Announcement
(Voiced by 16 month old Jack-Evan, Typed by Mommy)
Once upon a time I wasn’t here.
Then suddenly……. here I was.
Before I knew it, a whole year had passed and I had learned so much about this big, wide world.
Now I have to pass along all of my knowledge to someone else…
….because that’s just what big brothers do, I suppose.
16
May 08
A Baby Story: Labor Day (Part 2)
NOTE: I’m fully aware that not everyone cares about the gory details of my baby’s birth (especially you guys out there). But…well..since this is a baby blog, childbirth is a huge part of life and thus deserves a special post all its own. If you like these kinda things, keep reading. If not…well…run!
————-
Ok. So in part one, I made it to the hospital.
As I’ve said earlier, I had a typical textbook delivery – OBGYN, hospital, pain meds, etc. To throw all modern day thought to the wind, I didn’t even walk around once arriving at the hospital. I couldn’t. It hurt! I am a complete wuss about pain. Lying there on that bed, with contractions coming now almost back to back, the thoughts of putting my feet on the floor sent thoughts of falling flat on the floor reeling through my imagination.
After a bit of preliminary monitoring, the hospital decided I was definately in labor and they decided to keep me. So…in goes the IV. With all the pain, I was thinking I may have dialated more by this time but I was still at a flat 3 centimeters. (Very disheartening!)
By 5:15 or so, I was all-but begging for nubain, and with great relief, it worked nicely. What wasn’t nice was that nubain only lasts 2 hours. The clock was ticking on my relief and I wasn’t far enough along for the hospital to give their epidural. For “natural” pain relief, I had 2 pillows from home, an MP3 player with indian flute music (and nature sounds) playing, and a squeezy hand ball shaped like a light bulb (complete with cheesy smiley face).
Around 7:30, the nubain was wearing off and the nurse decides to check for dialation again (I’d made it to 5 centimeters!). Whilst she was doing that, my water broke. Now, often I have pondered how it is possible for “water” to “break”. But, lemmetellyou, the moment it…broke…was so weird feeling that I no longer pondered that phrase. To say you feel like you just pottied on yourself does not adequately describe it. So anyway. After that exciting event, the nurse scared me by uttering the often feared words of…
UH OH.
Yes. Uh oh. The baby had a bowel movement in the water and I learned now that 3 extra people would be joining us in the labor room – the respiritory team who would clear out his lungs after delivery and ensure all was A-OK.
And with that, the pain started in full force. I’d always heard that after your water breaks, the pain gets worse – well, yes…I can attest to that. For 30 minutes contractions were now coming back to back, pain (especially in my back – although I didn’t have back labor) was terrible, and I was crying like a baby (because the Nubain was now worn completely off).
And then…in walks my Super hero: The Anesthesiologist. HURRAY! My epidural had finally arrived. Never in my life had I been so happy to see someone with a supersized needle.
At our hospital, no one is allowed in the room during the epidural proceedure (not even dads) so all I had for comfort was nurse Christina and the epidural dude. Oh, and the tears on my pillow.
Sitting up on the side of my bed, I curled my back like a cat and hugged the nurse like she was my long lost sister. And howled like a cat.
In actuality it didn’t hurt near as bad as I had always thought it would, but I was shivering in fear and my body was already weak from handling the contractions.
Finally, it was over. Just before he finished I felt 3-4 electrical jolts go through my right leg, which they said was normal. (Later on it was my right leg that ended up the “deadest”!). After taping the epidural tube up my back and on my shoulder, they helped me lay down and started the full loading dose. And…wonderfully…after 10 minutes, the pain was miraculously gone.
Well. Almost.
There was a portion of my bottom most nether regions that the epidural never deadened. 
I believe that with the baby being so low for so long that those nerves had been cut off and was unable to receive the epidural dosing. Because of that, I felt every push and every inch of the baby emerging…and even the final tear. And it hurt. Bad. But I’m getting ahead of myself…
After the epidural was in, I was able to start enjoying myself and company more – and we had plenty of company that night! Around 20 people joined us at the hospital awaiting the birth, and many trickled in and out of the labor room throughout the night.
Around 9:30 pm, I had hit 7 centimeters and the epidural was wearing off for some unknown reason the nurse couldn’t explain – I was now feeling contractions in my stomach. After “hitting the button for more” (as she described it) the pain still didn’t ease up so they called the anesthesiologist for a bigger bag. It worked but still never deadened me where it counted most in the end!
At that time they also inserted a lushing tube (to thin out the meconium) and an internal contraction moniter – the only accurate way to measure their strength. In their opinion they said the contractions weren’t stong enough according to their machine. The doctor looked at me and said “We’re ging to start the pitocin now.”
Exuse me????
Pitocin is a medicinal drip in the IV that speeds up contractions.
Again….excuse me!!??
“No, you will not.” I said. “There is no imminant danger to me nor my baby. My body is working fine.”
He seemed a little taken aback, but agreed to come back in 2 hours (at midnight) to check my progression.
At 11:30 pm I was at 9 centimeters and +2 station. And by 12:30 am I had reached full dialation an 100% effaced on my own. And I truly felt wonderful!
From 12:30 am to 1:30 am I was allowed to “labor down naturally” with no pushing, no pain. Then at 1:30 am the fun started! The baby was crowning and the pushing began. My husband and my 2 cousins (Carrie & Tammy) were in there as my support team. Pushing came pretty naturally for me as I could feel each contraction start and the method was easy enough. Thankfully I didn’t lose my pre-pregnancy flexibility either, and got quite a few chuckles from the hospital staff as I placed my legs behind my head.
Now. I must say that I am eternally greatful for the pain medication I had during this labor. The pain as the baby’s head emerged was so enormous that I simply cannot imagine what it may have felt like without medication. I have never in my life felt such tremendous pain. All lamaze breathing techniques were lost on me as I started hyperventalating, crying, and screaming.
And then the nurse had the gumption to tell me numerous times not to vocalize. “Stay quiet and Internalize that pressure!” was her phrase of choice. I wanted to hit her.
I finally told her to shut up (but in a nicer way) and thankfully the doctor backed me. I simply could not make it without crying out. It hurt way too bad.
The doctor’s phrase of choice was “Push through the pain and burning”.
I wanted to hit him too.
Oddly enough I didn’t want to hit Kevin. Probably because he didn’t say one word during the whole pushing experience.
After what seemed like an eternity to me – but was actually only 30 minutes – the rest of the baby’s head emerged and I felt like I went into another universe or into the depths of hell itself. After that final push, the head popped out and the body flew out behind him.
Now, I had never thought to imagine what that final stage might feel like – but letmetellyou, a baby’s 19.5 inch body emerging from yours feels akin to all of your internal organs being flushed out of you. It was the most weirdest sensation i the universe.
So there I was, enduring the most horrific pain I’d ever thought possible, feeling like I was in another universe, feeling like I had torn in two (and actually had, I soon learned), and feeling like all of my internal organs had been flushed out of me.
But once I lifted my head and saw my baby laying there on that blue plastic sheet, and heard his first cry, all thoughts of pain were gone. It was as if it dissappeared in one split second.
It was 2:04 am, Sunday morning, May 4, and my long awaited baby Jack was finally here.
The tears I was crying now were happy, joyous tears. “Ohhhh my baby boy..my baby boy..Oh my God, he is so beautiful” were my first words I remember saying. Kevin had the chance to cut the umbilical cord, and since I was now in a very happy state, I screamed in mock pain as Kevin snipped with the scissors. I think it broke his tension as he had yet to say a word or move more than an inch since the pushing began.
Then I heard Jack’s cry. And what a beautiful little cry it was! “Ohhhh I love his voice, listen to his voice!” I was saying to no one in particular.
Everyone was running around the room now in a flurry of activity. The respiritory team had cleared him up, the nurses had cleaned him up, his apgars were being done (results: 8, 9), his weight (6 lbs 11.5 oz) and all of the first-things-first stuff. Kevin got to hold him first – the nurses even abliged Kevin’s request to put Jack’s little feet prints on the front of the blue hospital scrubs he had begged to wear (they weren’t mandantory).
Everything was going by so fast! Relatives were now coming in, cheers were going up, and I was still boo-hooing. Holding Jack for the first time, wrapped up in his little blankie, was the best moment of my life. He was so alert and calm. Some mothers are unfortunate enough not to feel an immediate bond with their baby. I felt the strong eternal bond the moment his little eyes held mine. I was hooked and now deeply in love with the cutest little man in the world.
He was all mine, and (at least for the next two decades) no one will ever take him away from me. He’s mine to cherish, spoil, raise, teach, guide and love. And I’m committed whole-heartedly to him.
12
May 08
A Baby Story: Labor Day (Part 1)
NOTE: I’m fully aware that not everyone cares about the gory details of my baby’s birth (especially you guys out there). But…well..since this is a baby blog, childbirth is a huge part of life and thus deserves a special post all its own. If you like these kinda things, keep reading. If not…well…run!
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Trying to think of a way to capture Jack’s birth story is hard. Going through labor was like living a dual existance – the physical, which hurt…badly…and then the mental / spiritual, where I couldn’t believe that a new life was about to emerge from none other than my own body. In the words of my cousin – I had 2 souls in me. That alone was a hard concept to grasp. To think that soon that new soul would be living independantly outside of my comfy tummy was astounding.
In today’s world, homebirths, water births, midwives, and non-medicated laboring is a growing trend. Let me say resoundly that for my first baby I was not and had no intention of being part of this trend. I’m a wuss when it comes to pain! Truly. So while I admire those women who have the gumption to go through birth au’ natural – I was not one of them.
My pregnancy and entire labor was pretty text-bookish. A group practice OBGYN with a hospital birth – along with pain meds (nubain and epidural) was my route of choice. While I have some doubts in my mind as to whether I want to go with a regular OBGYN again, I do not regret my choice to use an epidural. I think I may have just completely died without it! But more on the horrible pain later…
My long awaited due date was May 6. On Sunday, April 27, I felt the big IT for the first time. The IT, of course, being those long awaited contractions. They were 5 minutes apart and continued through Wednesday. Thankfully they were in no way painful during those days. If they would have been I might have asked for a rain check to continue this process next year!
At my final prenatal appointment, on Wed. April 30, Dr. Nancy said I was a full 3 cm’s dialated and could go at any time. “Whoohoo!” I thought, excitedly. Maybe I would get out of this without pain!
No such luck.
The contractions halted on Thursday and Friday – and then Saturday, at noon, they appeared back at my belly’s doorstep….ringing the bell loudly and (this time) knocking HARD.
So. Noon it was. I felt that instinctual “hey, this is it!” as the pain started to grow bit by bit. After a bit of final packing (and a wee bit of happy dancing), Kevin and I loaded up and headed to my parents house where I got to take the imfamous final bath & shave before heading to the hospital. After the bath, an hour was spent timing contractions (shortest was 1.5 mins apart and longest was 3.5 mins apart) – and then the call to the doctor was made to let him know we were on our way to the hospital.
After arriving at 4 pm, check-in on the 2nd floor maternity ward went really smoothly (thanks to pre-registration and a previous early labor scare).
And there I lay. In the labor room of the hospital. In pain. And in the middle of the most miraculous moment in my life.
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(((((Ladies and gentlemen, this post has been inturrupted by a hungry lttle miracle.
We will return to your regularly scheduled postings later))))
