Little Jack’s Corner

1.  The pain of your baby “coming out” really does cease the moment you lay eyes on him.

2.  Enjoy the moments directly after labor - the will be the only time in your life (barring another birth) that you direct the words “Oh my God he is so beautiful” at a bloody, screaming, purple, 19 inch human.

3.  The doctors say “6 weeks” before inserting anything down there….but 6 YEARS is what you’ll be feeling.

4.  Be assertive - you have every right in the world to tell the doctors NO if you don’t want them doing something (such as inducing, manually breaking the water, or giving pitocin to speed up contractions). 

5.  A doctor or nurse may try to get you to do the above (#4) even if there is no immediately danger! 

6.  Babies do NOT smell like babies.  Johnson and Johnson smells like babies.  The whole concept of the sweet baby smell is completely manufactured.  Poop, pee, leaky milk, and spit up are the eau de parfum of the moment.

7.  Regardless of what I just said in #6, I still love the smell of my baby.  Crazy, huh.

8.  The question of “Has your milk come in yet?” is easily followed by a large HA. HAH. HAHAHA. Ouch.  if it has. (And you will definitley know if it has).

9.  No matter how confident you are about your mothering skills, you may completely freak out when it comes time to change your baby’s first diaper.

10.  The little confidence you may gain will dissappear again after circumcision if he’s a boy.

11.  Do not discuss where your child will be sleeping with anyone.  To do so is like bringing up religion or politics.  People get seriously mean and rude over the issue!

12.  It is completely possible for little boys to pee 3 feet in the air.

13.  Because of #12, don’t lean directly over your little boy while changing his diaper.  And keep your mouth closed.

14.  Always use a pee-pee-tee-pee sheet to cover your little boy while diapering (see #12).

15.  The first time your baby has a yellow projectile vomit, you may just have a heart attack.  Keep the pediatrician’s number on speed dial to help ease your throbbing heart (or get it pumping again). 

16.  Using vaseline on baby’s bottom after each diaper change will keep early tar’ish poop from sticking to skin.

17. Even if you are NOT into “gross” humor, your baby’s grunts, poots, burps, yawns, and all other bodily noises will have you lauging your tired patootey off.

18.  If you were medicated in the hospital, don’t make the mistake of thinking you “feel fine” and go home without pain medications.  It may just be the worst mistake of your first week home.

19.  “Sleep” evolves into a new state of conciousness.  You may not even realize when you sleep, unless you have a dream.

20.  Don’t try to dictate how “daddy” should act, hold, or take care of the baby.  Monitor if you must, but allow them to develop their own relationship and way of interacting.

21.  Never put a visitor’s needs above your baby’s needs.  If it’s time to nurse a breastfed infant, have enough gumption to excuse yourself to another room or politely ask the visitor to leave because it’s nap time.

22.  Lanolin is God’s gift to nipples.

23.  Don’t buy expensive bra pads for leaky breasts.  A thin, cut up maxi pad works terrifically.

24.  Talk to your baby, read little books, make up songs for him, sing lullabyes, and converse with him often. 

25.  Newborns are NOT just little blobs.  They have personalities, do the cutest things, make the most adorable noises, soak up new experiences, take it all in, enjoy their world, remember things, recognize mom almost immediately, and change bit by bit every day.  Savor this time with your baby because he will grow up all too fast!!