I’ve often wondered why certain facets of mainstream American culture never took control of my core being. The difference in “Western” independence versus “Eastern” family values has always intrigued me, and I’ve always held closer to the eastern philosophy of family dependence and community relations than the so-called independence that Americans tend to thrive on. I don’t understand how people think they should be able to “do it all” on their own, and I especially don’t understand how children can grow up, and move away from aging parents without considering the care that their parents now need.
I look at the millions of cases of depression, the isolated loneliness, the break down of family & marriage, the decrease of true friendship, the loss of a true “neighborhood”, the sharp rise in teen violence, the ever increasing abandonment of the elderly, and it seems to be obvious that many of these are decendants from the cultural attitribution of “independence”. Now, I’m not talking about political independence from government, but the independence from people that America seems to subscribe to.
Independence, is, at it’s core, a pretty selfish goal to aspire to. Even God agrees, as one of the very first thoughts we encounter in the Bible is “It is not good for man to be alone”. (See Genesis).
If God himself doesn’t think being alone is good, why do we? Why can’t we place our trust in others? Why do we let other’s trust in us be so easily broken? Or are we so afraid of being the stereotypically needy person that we back down from what could be a wonderfully fulfilling life caring for -and being cared for by- other wonderful people?
I will be the first to admit that I can’t “do it” alone. I need God. I need people. I need my husband. I need my son. I need my parents, my relatives, and my chuch family. I can’t make it through life without them mentally, emotionally, or physically. And I know how much my husband and (especially) my baby boy needs me. It feels amazing to know I am “needed”.
When life is all “said and done”, the best memories we keep are not of our Lincoln Navigators, Beverly Hills houses, or Kate Spade bags. No, the last memories on a dying person’s mind is the people being left behind….the good times, the talks, the laughter, the promises. Although we rarely talk about it, there is probably nothing more saddening than to hear of a funeral of someone who had no one in attendence. The stark realization is obvious – a life lived alone is not a happy one. People, husbands, wives, children, friendships, and family are at the core of our lives. They’re the only things worth living for and fighting for.
So, I ask, why is independence so prized in our culture? I especially wonder this when it comes to children and our babies. Recently I did an article on the benefits of Baby Wearing. This is quite a “modern fad” in the USA, but, oddly enough, it has been practiced the world over for millenia! The benefits for babies are quite astounding – I’ve even experienced them with my own Little Jack.
Baby Wearing makes life so easy for a new mom, that I’m surprised moms of the last few generations let it slip away so easily. What I’m NOT surprised about is how the dissappearance came about. During the early and midhalf of the 1900s, a multitude of child “experts” started cropping up. These so-called experts, touting their college degrees, started advising mothers to stop “spoiling” their children and begin “independence training” early as possible. These same experts are the ones who promoted putting a child in a crib immediately and letting them “cry it out”.
Because of the breakdown of family that was happening in the mid-1900s, along with massive social upheaval, women were no longer listening to the age-old advice of mothers, but were reveling in the new philosophies of these “child experts” – most of whom were male!
Now, I don’t know about you, but I think it’s been quite long enough to see the results of parental philosophies from the past few decades. And I don’t like it. It’s crazy to be fearful of sending your own child to school! And it’s even more crazy to be fearful of being the teacher in that school. Our children are in danger, and parents are letting them slip through their fingers at an alarming rate.
Look at what a childhood looks like in the mainstream America -
- 6 weeks of age: off to full time daycare. Mothers are “strongly” encouraged to place their babies in cribs in their own room at this time.
- 3 years old: off to preschool, then back to daycare
- 5 years old: full day kindergarten
- 6 years to 18 years: full day school
- 15 years+: full time work or sports after school
- 18 years+: off to college, usually in another state
Those parents who do not adhere to this strict schedule -such as homeschoolers, extended breastfeeders, and co-sleepers - are even ridiculed, discouraged, talked down upon, and even told how “wrong” they are. Often times I wonder when people make comments such as that, is it really the “person” talking or is it a mainstream sheep mindset taking control?
Is it any wonder that with this schedule of “independence”, our children up and move away, never to be heard from again (or only at Christmas)? When on earth do parents have time to parent?? When I use to work at a kindergarten daycare as a teen, parents would rush in at 6 pm, tired, hassled, and in a hurry. I knew that many of those kids bedtimes were at 7:30 and 8:00 pm, so I could only imagine the “parenting” that was done during the midst of getting home, getting supper, taking a bath, and going to bed.
So the next time you consider a parenting philosophy, or the next time you hear “experts” telling you what you “should, and shouldn’t” think, feel, do or say, take the time to mull it over in your head. Consider what implications the “advice” may have for your family and relationships down the road. Does your child truly need to be “trained” for independence at 6 months of age? Does your child truly need to get in the best college? Do you truly need to take that job in another state if it means leaving behind people that you love?
Life is short. Relationships with those you love are shorter. Don’t let so-called American cultural ideals prevent you from living a full life and doing what is best for your family.
As you do, keep these questions at the forefront of your mind:
- Who do I want to raise my child – me, a child expert who doesn’t know me, or the government?
- What is the true benefit of…. (insert advice)?
- Who do I want my child to serve – God, the government, others, or self?
- Will listening to this advice ever harm our family?
- What is the history on this piece of advice?
- What benefits do the alternatives offer?
- Is this advice given as a scare tactic, a mind control tactic, or from a biased standpoint?
Alexandra will be receiving the Biblical Knowledge Scripture Set from 
