Just like other new moms, I sometimes have those rough, rough days where it seems like I can do no right. Jack’s crying seems to go on for hours, and frustration gets overwhelming. On days like these, it takes all of my will power not to go screaming through the streets naked. (Ok, well, exaggeration for emphasis…I really don’t like streaking).
Although in reality, my logic tells me that Jack rarely cries in the course of a 24 hour day, when you’re all alone, just 33 minutes of crying has it’s way of making one begin to feel like the worst mom in the world.
As I sit watching my crying son, after doing all of the “normal” stop-crying routines, I begin to wonder what I’ve done wrong. In my deepest heart, all I want is for my son to be happy. And as a mom who dotes on her baby, his tears have a way of piercing my heart. His bottom lip, turned upside down amidst a very poignant sounding “Waaaahhhnn…” 
would soften even the hardest of hearts.
“What’s wrong? What have I done? What more can I do? What can I do to make him happy??” I question myself. I don’t get angry, I get sad. Deeply sad. I wish he could talk to me. I wish I could understand him better. I wish I could comfort him more.
Today was such a day. We were up by 9 am this morning, and by 2 pm I was beginning to feel a bit frazzled. I’m so thankful that my parents live nearby! I gave them a call, on the verge of tears, asking them to come on over for a visit to help me out a little bit. I’m not sure how single moms do it. Truly. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not superwoman. It really does take a villiage to raise a child!
My mom and dad are such wise creatures. As they were over, dad was holding Jack-Evan, and I was telling them how I felt. How I was feeling like a bad mom. How I was feeling like there must be something I’m doing wrong.
“How can I make him happy?” I asked dad.
Dad just looks at me and says…
“Lisa, YOU can’t make him happy. You never will.”
They proceed to give me wonderful insight on the fact that no human can make another human happy. Oh we can try. We can provide material comforts, shelter, food, love, games, and activities. But at the end of the day, personal happiness relies only on two things – ourselves and God.
The happiness each of us feel comes from within us. Babies are just learning to manage newfound bodies, explore the world, and create relationships. The fight for survival dictates fears, needs, and wants. And lack of verbal communication skills as infants creates the need to communicate in the only way they know how – cry, cry, and cry some more. Just as adults spend their days communicating mainly with talking, babies spend their days communicating with crying. As time passes, babies learn better ways of communicating and crying is slowly replaced with more higher cognitive communication.
As parents, as long as our focus is on staying tuned to our children, and trying our best to discern their needs -and provide for their needs- we can ensure they are well taken care of….just as Kevin and I do for Little Jack. But nothing we do will ever allow us to fully saturate our child’s every need. Thus our inner worth as parents can not be tied to the outward signs of happiness in our children.
As Dad said… You can’t make him happy.
