It’s February already! Don’t we all just love February?! I know I do. 
It’s during February that we become fully adjusted to life in a new year. Things are clearer, and our new year’s resolutions are not so far down the drain that we’re depressed about it. The promise of a new spring, new life, and new hope for the upcoming warmer months is just around the bin.
We also have the wonderfully commercialized holiday of Valentines. Last year, I became a little pouty about Valentine’s day because my husband, Kevin, seemed not to even know what day it was (“It’s February 10th, right??”). Don’t get me wrong – he’s a very affectionate, romantic person….he’s just not..uh..commercialized. When he realized how I felt, he just raised his eyebrow at me and said -
“Lisa, I try to show you I love you every day. What’s so special about that one day??”
And you know what? He’s right. All of the love and affection we show to people on Valentine’s day – why don’t we do that every day?? A life is not made up of shallow, commercialized daydrops. A rich, full life is made up of the moment by moment activities we carry out 365 days a year.
Every time my girly side gets a little starry eyed over the romance that Valentine’s day portrays, I remind myself of the lesson Kevin taught me. As a new wife, I also have had to spend much time learning to communicate in my husband’s “other planet” language (you ladies out there know what I mean!!).
Here are some things that I’ve learned that, as a man, he appreciates far more than the commercially bought gifts we give on February 14. I keep them in mind and work daily at putting them to use – as well as discovering new ones. They are tried and true ways I know of telling my own husband how deeply I truly do love him. Perhaps your man will like these too!
Top Ways to Silently Say I Love You to Your Husband
- Trust him
- Respect him
- No more nagging!
- Say thank you, even for little things
- Smile brightly at him
- Jump into his arms when he comes home from work…then..
- …after a quick cheery hello, let him “detox” alone for a bit!
- If he wears uniforms to work, hang them out and iron them the night before
- Slip a fresh-out-of-the-dryer towel in the bathroom while he’s showering
- Let him do things his way for once
- Scratch his back before bed at night
- Never say “no, not tonight”
- Become an passionate “initiator”
- Praise his abillities, even ones that seem insignificant to you
- Praise his accomplishments
- Never degrade him in front of other people
- Never call him ugly words or bad names
- Be quick to say you’re sorry for any part you’ve had in an argument
- Be the first to say you’re sorry (he’ll pick up the habit too after a while)
- Never hastily accuse him of things
- Don’t make fun of him, even if he laughs himself
- Be generous on physical affection (hugs, kisses, handholding)
- Don’t question how his spends his personal money
- Don’t have hidden agendas when you communicate (he can’t read your mind)
- Let him know every day that you need him (physically, emotionally, and mentally)
- Don’t drop woman-style hints… tell him upfront things you like in every aspect of life
- Don’t expect him to remember everything you like!
- Don’t argue over silly, non-life threatening things
- Trust his parenting style as long as your child isn’t being abused!
- If you have an issue with something, be honest about it – don’t hold it in
- Make sure every day is filled with 10 times more positive actions than negative ones!
- Do not threaten “divorce” as a way to make him “come around”
- Always take your husband’s side in his personal relations with others
- Don’t tell him he did something the “wrong way” if it’s not hurting anyone
- Do not lie to him
- Keep your mouth shut!
- Let him drive for hours, even when lost, if he prides himself on his directional abilities
- Smile…smile..and smile at him – often! A real smile, with your eyes connected
- Don’t settle for mundane everyday “pecks” - Keep real kisses alive
- Pray for him daily
- Go to church with him
- Have a hot meal waiting when he arrives home
- Don’t inturrupt his football games!
- Don’t get jealous of his video game system (playstation is his detox like shopping is ours!)
- Put a positive spin on requests (“I love you so much, and I want to spend more time with you” instead of “You never do anything with me!!”)
- Don’t use your whiney voice – be sincere with requests
- Don’t pout (he’s not your dad)
- Work on keeping a clean home
- If you are a stay-at-home-wife / mom – thank him daily for providing for the family
- Praise his actions to others – in front of him!
- Always sit with him when you are out in public
- Do not partake in husband bashing
- Respect your husband, even when absent (if you don’t respect him, how will anyone else??)
- Never, ever, say something bad about his family
- Protect his secrets – don’t gossip about him!
- Read solid advice books about being a better wife (and put the information to work)
- Never be so conceited that you think he’s the one with all the problems
- Allow yourself room to grow and change
- Pay attention to your fitness levels and appearance
- Keep yourself clean and smelling fresh
- Keep your teeth brushed!!
- Don’t withhold praise, even if you are feeling neglected
- Slip in sincere compliments every day (“I just loved how you…”)
- Ask for his help
- Don’t be afraid to admit to him when you are unable to do something
- Let him be your hero
- Let him know he is your hero
- Personality differences is no cause for degrading him for doing something you wouldn’t (i.e. folding the washclothes “wrong”)
- If he is finally talking, and pouring his heart out – SHUT UP! Just listen. Don’t even talk when he falls silent again.
- Touch him often
- Rub his face slowly
- Massage his back and legs
- Offer him a pedicure (sans the polish!)
- Let him know how much he compliments your own personality
- Do not speak of past flames or relationships, other than necessary facts where health is involved
- Do not say things in the heat of the moment that you will regret later – words are powerful!
- Do not break your promises to him (even if he’s a little absentminded with his)
- Cook him breakfast (a rare treat in some homes!!)
- Praise him when he does unusual house chores out of the blue
- Write him love notes
- Create a homemade card and have it sticking in the door for him to find when he comes home
- Praise him in front of your children
- Never degrade him in front of your children – nor make them “choose sides”
- Respect his opinions – they are neither “stupid” or “dumb”. They’re his – the man you love.
- Don’t “try” to make him jealous
- There’s never such a thing as “harmless flirting” when it comes to men outside of your marriage
- Ensure that he trusts you – and be the type of person that deserves that trust
- Make sure your home is a place of rest and relaxation
- Keep a check on your own attitude (the woman has control over her home’s atmophere!)
- Keep your bed made and comfortable!
- Do not be cynical towards him
- Do not blame him for your bad day
- If you have a bad attitude, he will too
- Make sure your home smells nice and looks tidy
- Be a good steward of your household finances
- Stay-at-homer’s: Don’t spend his money foolishly!
- Don’t keep secrets from him…
- …but don’t spout out unecessary things (“Honey, I had a dream about the guy at Aldi’s….”)
- Have a special “I love you” sign code (We use 143…and 1432!)
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Tags: housewife
what a list!!! lol glad you liked my summation of my husbands non-love language lol.. and glad you’ve figured it out! It makes life and holidays a whole lot easier, doesn’t it?
hope your pregnancy is going okay. I had GD with my last 2 babies, but praise God it’s gone away since i’ve had my last little one.
WOW! I wish you a long happy marriage. If you actually DO about HALF of these on a regular basis, your man will stay in your arms, HAPPILY.
I can tell you from personal experience that when a husband sees his wife try to talk HIS language (hot lovemaking always does the trick for any man) he will jump thru hoops to talk her language.
Women control the happiness of their marriages more than they know, by these things you mentioned.
Well, good luck with the baby. Enjoy him.
An older co-worker told me right before I was getting married to always remember the one or two little things that make your spouse happy and take the time to do them, even if its vacuming a clean floor, wiping hand prints off the ice box or turning off lights when you leave… I didn’t realize how easy and rewarding that was for my marriage.
Where is a mans list for a woman?
One more question?
What are considered ways of giving your
husband support?
flechere » I couldn’t list a man’s list here..it would take up too much space.
Please accept my sincere apologies. Thank you for your comment and correction. I’m still learning about what is appropriate and what isn’t in the blogging world. This was an AWESOME post and greatly encouraging to me as a wife. Thank you for sharing.
Sincerely,
Rachel
Rachels last blog post..Top 99 Ways to Silently Say I Love You to Your Husband
Never say “Not tonight?”…what if you had a c-section a week ago and the stitches are still in? Or it’s not a good time of the month and she doesn’t feel comfortable about that? There are husbands who insist on their marital rights come what may. Christian husbands, even. Never is a pretty unforgiving word and assumes that a husband is always considerate of his wife. That’s not always the case. Thankfully my husband is not like that, but I know at least one who is. And he preaches on Sundays.
Anne » The point of “never say not tonight” was an encouragement to women to be willing to find ways to be intimate with the man you love, and don’t make always go around making excuses. It was directed at all of those times when us women simply “don’t feel like it”. In pop culture, it is widely known that the words “not tonight” from a woman is usually NOT really justified – and is done more often than should be.
It was not an attempt to excuse a man from taking his pleasure through force when a something is wrong medically. During the last 2 months of my pregnancy and the first 2 months after birth we had to abstain from normal intimacy because of complications – but I did find other ways of showing my husband he was still loved.
I’m sorry to say, I find this list to be very offensive. I don’t consider myself a huge feminist, but in my home, my husband and I are equals. I do not feel the need to “keep up my appearance” for him — I do that for myself — or have a hot meal on the table for him everyday, expecially since we both work. And I will certainly tell him “not tonight” if I don’t feel well — or in the mood for that matter. My husband is my equal, not my master! No wonder women have it so hard!!!
Hello
I’m sorry you chose to be offended. This list is not a requirement or list of “job duties” one must perform. Nor is it an invitation to be a doormat. It is merely various ways a wife can “show love” to her husband instead of just paying lipservice with those 3 often abused words “I love you”.
I have been married for nearly 3 years now. The first year of marriage was a nightmare for me – I was an only child raised in a household that catered to me. I had never as much as boiled water before my honeymoon, had no chores, didn’t do my own laundry, and didn’t even know where the washing machine was…much less have to wash someone ELSE’s filthy socks. Although I *thought* I knew it all when I married, I was terribly mistaken. I realized soon I knew nothing about maintaining a loving, kind, respectful long-lasting marriage in today’s society.
I learned that in love, humility, kindness, devotion, and respect go a long way.
This list is about doing away with the “me, me, me” attitude that many women have and showing love to their husbands in ways men do not expect.
My husband and I are equals in every way, and he has never demanded or required any of these things from me. And he knows that if he ever did, I would tell him strait up where to go too (my temper and mouth was something I had a HARD time adjusting when I first married).
Women do not have it hard because they choose to treat men they love with various little shows of devotion – women have it hard when they bow down to brutal men who demand them to be slaves.
May I ask for a list of ways you show love daily to your own husband? I may learn some new ideas.
I have to say…. I agree with Lisa whole heartedly. There are so many ways to connect with your husband that aren’t just through (dare I say it???) SEX. If you can’t give the whole kit and caboodle, do something! And in response to what Anne said, if your husband isn’t intelligent enought to figure out that after a C section you shouldn’t be having sex for several weeks that’s either his ignorance or your inability to keep him informed. I am 5 months pregnant and whether I have a C section or not, my husband is fully aware that for at least a month he isn’t going to be getting exactly what he’s used to.
I, unfortunately, think this is why so many marriages suffer at the hands of infidelity. Its not saying you have to give it up to him every night, or in the reverse that he has to give it to you every night. Its saying that you two need to connect on a deep level often. Maybe that isn’t sex for you…. I know it is in our house, but we are young (25 and 27) and our hormones rage like we are teenagers sometimes. But… I have never told him no (save for the time that you mentioned during “that time of the month,” and men understand that… lord knows they hear about it often enough). But if you can’t keep yourself looking decent for your husband and he doesn’t take care of himself for you, then neither one of you are going to end up happy. Not only will you feel better about yourself, you won’t be constantly wondering what’s up in his head. I’ve had a really hard time with pregnancy simply due to being petrified he wouldn’t find me as attractive… That isn’t the case of course. But I diligently watch myself to make sure I am staying healthy for him, and for the sake of my unborn son.
Baby Ryder will always know how much his parents love each other, and I can’t wait for his father to show him how to be a good husband right from the start. My husband and I did not have good examples growing up for how marriage was supposed to be. My parents spent nights fighting in front of my brother and I, my mother was unfaithful, and somehow they muddled through it and are still together. Brandon’s dad left before he could remember him, the man he calls father cheated on his mother and subsequently left his family, but he finally has a good step father who sets an example of how to treat women. If nothing else, we know what NOT to do, and we don’t. We don’t fight. We get upset, but we talk thru things together. We weren’t trying to have little Ryder, but from the moment we found out he was on his way, we have loved him and made every effort to get ourselves straightened out for him.
This may be a drawn out list of how things go in my world, but we are equal, and I still do all the things listed by Lisa. Brandon takes care of me, and I take care of him. I also take care of myself for him, and for me. If you don’t have enough respect for yourself to take care of you, then why should he want to take care of you monetarily and emotionally? Its just something to think about, and to my point… Lisa, thanks for a great list.
Thank you so much for publishing this wonderful list! I have bookmarked it as one of my favorites and I read over it often. Happy Thanksgiving!
Jennifer